Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Will

The other day we finally received a copy of my father's will and boy were we all surprised. According to this document my father left EVERYTHING to my brother and aunt. The car he promised me was left to my brother and all his property and assets to my aunt. Like wtf!!! Did this man forget that he has 3 other children that he failed to mention in this damn will.

When my sis first told me what the will said I was in utter shock and my immediate reaction was "F that man". I know it sounds bad but I just found it crazy. I honestly felt that I was the closest to my dad out of all us and for him to not even say and to tell my kids I love them or anything was ludacris!!!

My other siblings are asking if we are going to fight it and I'm thinking yes and my mom n sis are saying the same but I really don't know if I want to go through all of that. That requires days in court and such and that's not a process I really want to go through. I'm just shocked and hurt and I don't know what to think. My mom says she thinks my dad wrote the will but my aunt typed it and may have done things the way she felt were needed and my dad just signed it without even reading it. To make matters worse, one of the witnesses that signed the damn will was my father's mistresss....THE NERVE!!!!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Bed Bugs?!?!?!

So against a lot of different advice from different people I'm trying to work things out with Stuy and last night was my first time seeing him in about a month or more.

I went over to his place after work last night and at first I felt very awkward because it was the first time we saw each other since we broke up. He was all laid up in bed and I was just standing there watching the tv and texting and waiting for him to give me something to sleep in. He finally gave me a t-shirt and I got in the bed. We automatically started messing around n such and things sort of felt normal again lol.

So after we are just laying there watching tv and from the side of my eye I see something dark on the bed and I kind of sit up to look and its a huge bed bug!!!! I don't really know what to do, but then I see a baby one crawling right by it so I sit up. It starts to come closer to me so I say omg there's something crawling on the bed and I think it's a spider (I was kind of too embarrassed to say the truth). I'm like kill it or swat it off but he's like he doesn't see it. But I refused to lay back down. Then finally I swat the bed myself and cautiously lay back down. By this time the huge bedbug is moving and is now crawling on the wall. I keep l0oking at it discreetly because I was scared it would come my way but it didn't thank god. So sad to say I didn't have a good night rest last night because of my nervousness.

Now I know they only come out in the dark so I always make him leave the tv on so that his room is not pitch black when we sleep but I wake up at 5am and I don't see anything. This dummy turned the tv off and now I'm in panic mode. I'm trying to turn the tv on but the remote isn't working so I keep fidgeting until I was finally able to get it to work and I turned it right back on.

But I'm talking to my sis and I'm telling her about this and she's like I should tell him to get a spray but I'm too embarrassed for him to even mention the fact that he has bedbugs. I keep wondering if he knows he has it and he's ok with it or if he's completely clueless. I don't know what to do? How would you break it to your significant other that they have insect problems and its causing you to not be comfortable in their living domains (without hurting their feelings of course)???? Help me out please

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Married Man

Good news...I finally got a new laptop so I am back on my blogging full time (woohoo). The story of this new laptop will come soon.

First thing first, I have to introduce Married Man. One day I was walking home and chatting away on the phone with my sister and this car is driving along side me and speaking to me and we are cracking jokes. I reach my house and as I am about to go inside, he says wait can he have a minute so I come back downstairs and we speak a bit and exchange numbers.

A couple days later he hits me up and says he wants to see me and he's going to come and pick me up from the train station. When I reach, I call him but he doesn't pick up his phone so I go home. I end up hanging out with friends and we go to a diner. He calls me and sees that I am upset and wants to come see me and we speak a lil and he tells me he really likes me and all this other "game". I proceed to ask him questions about his life because of his age (31). He informs me that he is married with 2 daughters but he is separated from his wife. Here's the crazy part......they still live together. RED FLAG!!!!!

Against my better judgement I continue to talk to this man, but that's as far as it went. One night we make plans to go to the movies and when the time was nearing for him to come pick me up, he is nowhere to be found. He wasn't responding to my texts or phone calls. I got stood up smh.

I didn't hear from him for another 3-4days and then one day he texts me and of course I have an attitude and I tell him I don't want to deal with him anymore because he played himself. He then goes on to say that he was on his way to me that night but he got pulled over by the police and because he had a warrant, he was arrested. He says the whole time he was locked up he kept thinking about me and he knew I would be really upset and all this other crap. I continue to give him the cold shoulder but one night he offers to pick me up from work and I agreed to it.

He shows up (almost 2hrs late) and we are driving around and wind up at a lil soul food restaurant. We talk about different things and then we proceed to go home.

It was bad enough that the whole time he kept trying to kiss me and touch me and I let it be known he was in the dog house. We reach my block and parks the car and we continue to talk and he proceeds to attempt to kiss me even though I kept turning my face away. Long story short he tries to have sex with me in the car, in front of my house. I had to use strength to push him away and ask him to stop. Honestly, I feared that he wouldn't and it would've turned ugly but luckily it didn't. I got out the car and went inside my house. I haven't spoken to him since (minus the time he texted me asking if everything was ok and I responded I'm fine).

Guess it worked out for the best because I had no business with a married man in the first place right.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Horrible Morning

Today I had a very big interview with a trading company on wall street and I was looking forward to it all week. I made sure I printed out a few resumes yesterday, as well as researched the company and took some notes to show interest and have questions for the interviewer.

I wake up this morning at 645am to use the bathroom and then went back to bed with my phone right next to me because my alarm was set to go off at 740am. I wake up and I look down on my phone and it reads 902am. I jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face. Now understand people that my interview was scheduled for 10am so you can understand why I am rushing and why I didnt get the chance to shower (I know very nasty but at the time I definitely didnt care).

I put on my suit and then realize my shirt is wrinkled and then I had to find my shoes. Then I get upset again when I see that its warm out and my mom has my "interview jacket" and I am stuck wearing my big ass pea coat. So I'm rushing to the bus in heels in a full suit and pea coat sweating bricks. I wanted to just turn back home and take a L for this job but I didn't.

Long story short I get there @ 1030am and I tell the lady I have an appt with such n such and I sit there waiting. Then this man comes out and asks for my resume and then goes back in. 5min later this older man in shorts and running sneakers comes out and ask what time was our appt and I say 10am and he says because I was late he has to reschedule. I was so tight n disappointed in myself. I rescheduled for monday but I feel like I already blew my chances on this position because first impressions are lasting impressions and I just showed that I am not responsible.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Are We Skipping Holidays??

As we all know Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and as normal human beings we are all looking forward to that good ol home cooked meal. But I got hit with major disappointment yesterday, NOONE IN THE FAMILY IS COOKING!!!!

My mother and aunts all said they aren't cooking this year because of the death of my father and although I can understand, I'm just beyond sad. I really want to eat and although I can go over to other people's houses, there's nothing like that meal that is cooked in your own home. Next they are going to say no christmas or birthdays. This is outrageous!!!!

I refuse to eat chinese food next thursday lol.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Overreacting As Usual

Everything has been going good with me and Stuy lately and I've been pretty happy. But of course that wasn't going to last.

Thursday we're on the phone talking and I mention to him that my male best friend is visiting from Atlanta on Sunday and I plan on chilling with him on MONday after work. He automatically says no I'm not and I'm like yes I am. He goes on to say that he's not okay with that and I'm like well that's my best friend and I haven't seen him in mad long so I will be chilling with him Monday. Then he says he finds it funny that I have time to chill with this guy but I never have time for him. Like are you really serious?? This guy goes to school from Monday-Thursday and works Monday-Friday and I work mostly Monday-Friday. The only time we really get to see each other is on the weekends or if I go see him in the week right quick so I was annoyed he even put that blame on me. I ended up hanging up the phone on him.

Friday I call him on my lunch break, but I notice that he is being shady. When I question him he says no he's not. He finally admits that he is still upset about the day before and the fact that I'm disrespecting him because I said I'm going to chill with my friend. I personally don't think its disrespectful and I'm like I respect you enough to tell you. I could've just went n hung out and then told you after...or not at all. In the end he says if I plan no chilling with my friend, then we are over and to not call him again. So I said well I am goingto chill with my friend and that's that. So he says its over and I hang up.

So I'm asking pple if they agree with it disrespectful to hang out with my best friend and everyone agrees with me.

Later that night, Stuy starts texting me as if nothin even happened, mind you its like 4am. I question him and ask why are you texting me and he says wow he can't text me. We keep going back and forth and in the end he's like give me my fuckin money and get your ipod. So I say fine. So to me we are over.

When I'm heade to him, he asks me to bring him food cuz he's sick and hungry and even though I didn't want to, I did anyway. We end up talking about everything and I guess you can say we worked it out, but I let it be known that we are not back together. I really don't know if I want to be with him anymore.

One of the reasons is because he admitted to me that he started talking to another girl when I went to Miami in October. I'm in utter shock right now. Then he has the nerve to say that we was broken up...I'm like we broke up for 2 fuckin days and you started talkin to some next girl. He says that nothing happened between him and her, they just hung out twice but idk how to grasp that. I mean you didn't just meet this girl. She must have been around prior to you supposedly "talking to her". So right now, I'm keeping my distance.

What do you guys think about everything??

Sunday, November 1, 2009


I tend to find myself always sad nowadays and sometimes its unbearable. I think about all thats going on in my life and I wonder where did I go wrong. What am I doing (or not doing) to be happy? I don't really speak on my feelings because I don't like to look weak nor do I like sympathy from pple but there is just but so much an individual can take.

I've spoken to my 2 besties about this and they suggested that I get a notebook and write about everything that is going on in my life whether its good or bad and makes me sad or happy and to give it to someone I trust and allow them to read it. Then when they are finished, I can have someone to talk to who may truly understand what is going on with me.

I think that was a great idea but I have yet to actually do it. I always look at blogging as a way to get things off my chest but then again there are some things I rather not reveal to the world about myself.

I have always had a sadness within me that I can barely explain to pple but with the death of my father, it has gotten worse. I try to do things that will make me happy (at least I think) but in the end I find myself unsatisfied. I'm at a party and still somewhat sad. I just hope I can find a way to cope with this before it gets "uncontrollable".

It Felt So Real

"Your father's coming home tomorrow so make sure that this house is clean. We don't need him coming home to a mess after being gone for about 2months." says mother

We all decided on what we would clean in the house to make everything spotless for daddy when he arrives. We did the laundry, cleaned both bathrooms, cleaned all 3 rooms, swept and vacuumed the hallway and stairs. We polished the wood and mopped the floors and cleaned all the dishes and made the bed and had everything ready for his arrival. We were all excited and couldn't wait to see that man walk through those doors, back into our happy home.

I went to sleep that night with a smile on my face and said I would wake up bright and early and shower and be sitting at the door when he walked in. But unfortunately, I overslept.

Next thing I know I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I wiped my eyes and sat up in bed. My bedroom door slowly opened and in walked the most important man in the whole wide world!!!! I screamed, "DADDY!!!!!!" and jumped out of bed and ran to him and gave him the tightest hug.

"Shay let him go. You're hurting him. Let him get to his bed to rest" said mommy.

I let him go and walked him to my room with a big smile on my face. I was happy for the first time in months. My daddy was home and everything was going to be okay. The cancer was gone and all his problems were no more. I couldnt have asked for anything more.

I opened my eyes and realized where I was and looked towards the door waiting for it to open. But it never did. I then realized I wasn't living in my big house anymore and my dad wasn't going to walk in through that door. I was all alone and the happiness I felt in that dream wasn't going to happen. I cried. I cried the same way I cried on September 13 when I got the text message saying that daddy was gone. I cried my eyes out and felt the pain all over again. I just wanted him to come back in my life but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I cried until I went back to sleep...went back to darkness.

Will this pain ever go away??
Will I ever be happy again??

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Birthday Fiasco

So Stuy's birthday passed recently (more like last month lol) and as the female in his life I was suppose to do something with him so I suggested dinner. Then he responds that if we're only doing dinner then we should just do dinner with his family. Whoaaa buddy lol. I told him I had to get back at him with that one...I mean seriously was I ready to meet the fam?? Eventually I agreed and said ok we can all do dinner and I asked what restaurant were we going to. At first he was like he doesn't know. The day before his birthday he tells me that his mom is going to cook and we will be having dinner at his parents house. Inside I'm freaking out like what did I just get myself into lol.

The day of his bday I put on this nice long black n white dress (my short dresses would've been inappropriate i think lol) and I head over to his grandmother's house to go see him. He greets me at the door and tells me how beautiful I look (I was very hype...its nice to get compliments lol). We hang out and go get some food. I try and pay for his food and he kept refusing and putting my money away, which was nice but I really wanted to pay. Back at his house we end up doing us (if you know what I mean lol) and then we just lay in the bed in the nude and talk. Then the inevitable happens....his grandmother comes home and just opens his door. I freaked!!!! His body was sort of covering my lower body so it was really just my chest exposed so I just put my arm over my chest and cover my eyes and keep repeating "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" and he screams out "grandma, you don't knock" and she is in shock and just closes the door.

Now I'm like okay well now I'm definitely not going to dinner. Like I just experienced a very embarrassing moment and then for me to go and sit at the dinner table like nothing happened...hell no. For all I know this lady will just keep thinking "look at this little whore". He suggested I come to his parent's house and if I do feel uncomfy I can leave and he'll tell everyone that something came up so I agreed.

That walk to his parents' house was like walking to my doom, I was beyond nervous. When we get there, he introduces me to everyone and his sister asks why we took so long and this dummy gonna say its shay's fault...I wanted to die. His grandmother was sitting right there and I know she automatically thought about what she had walked into.

But all in all the night went well and his family was pretty cool and it seemed like they shared everything with eachother which was nice. After that night he asked me how would I feel about us becoming official and I said that would be nice so guys....I now have a boyfriend lol.

Family Feud

Now there's always been drama in my family because my father's side of the family doesn't get along with my mother's side...and that's being nice. I should say my father's side HATES my mother's side. But you would think that these grown adults would put their differences aside at this time and just get through with the planning of my father's funeral arrangements....but nooooo.

Now to top things off, there's threats being made and my mother and some of her family and friends dont think she should go to the funeral or the wake. Now everytime they ask me my opinion on this matter, I say that I think that she should go. I don't care how many times they threaten or talk about my mother, I feel like they would talk about her even more if she didn't show up to her own husband's services. But in the end the decision is up to her and she's going to do what she wants to do.

I just feel like this isn't a time to be worried about drama and everything. I think this is a time to be focused on my father and my father alone and everyone that is dealing with all this other nonsense just doesn't matter to me. I'm so over everyone. Tomorrow is the wake and Saturday is the funeral and burial so we will see if everything is going to go as smoothly as I would like. I will keep yall posted.

Monday, September 14, 2009

He's Really Gone!!! R.I.P. Daddy

I really can't believe he's gone....

So yesterday started off normal for me, but it ended in the worst way possible. I was at work just doing my normal routines and then my sister calls me but since I was on the floor I couldn't pick up the phone so I texted her and asked her what happen. I was about to get off in like 10-15min so when she texted me, I didn't look at my phone right away. I go and clock out of work and then I look at my phone and the message read "Dad pass away in the hospital". When I say my heart literally stopped, I mean it. I was shocked so I called her to see if I read it correctly and my brother picked up. So I'm like what did Jess just texted me and he's like just come home...come home now. And that's how I knew it was the truth. I automatically called Ash to tell her and thats when the tears started flowing. I was like "Ash my father died today" and she was like where are you and I let her know I was leaving my job headed home and she said she would meet me there.

On the trainI was listening to my RnB playlist and I just had my hands over my eyes to keep the tears from falling. When I finally got service people were asking me if everything was ok on twitter and right when krys hit me up the worst song came on...."Dance with my father" by Beyonce. The tears just began streaming down my face and I knew everyone was looking at me on the train but I just knew I needed to get home.

When I got in front of my house I saw that there were a bunch of people at my house and the tears began again but I got it together to walk into the house. I was only able to say hi to one of the guests and my oldest sis and I broke down and started crying and ran up the stairs to my mom's room. My mom and sis came up to console me but I just had to get out the house. I was getting texts and bbms and phone calls from people and I just couldn't believe this was happening.

Ash came to the house andwas just holding me and I was just crying on her shoulders. We all knew this day would come but not this soon. Steph came later and we talked and everything. I was really happy that so much people reached out to me but in the end the pain is crazy. I had a real special relationship with my dad and it makes me miss him more and more each day.

Now we have to plan the funeral and go through this family drama and I dont know how I will make it. I just wish things would go back to normal when my parents were together and everyone was happy.

I love you daddy and I will miss you. You will always be in my heart and I knowyou are in a better place now watching over me. May you rest in peace!!!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Just So Much

So much has been happening in my life and I just haven't had the time to blog about em. From now on I'm going to try the whole blogging from my phone thing to stay up on it. I will bring yall up to speed with the shananagans going on with this blasted family of mine and my life in general so stay tuned people. Shay needs to vent lol

Thursday, August 13, 2009

We are Not Family Anymore

I can't stand my father's sisters....they irk me sooooo much. As we all know my dad is in the hospital and the other day my mother went to visit him...even though he told her not to. I guess he told his sister and she decided to make my father a private patient, without telling us. By doing this, only 8 people can be put on the list to visit my dad. Here's the ridiculous part...this heffa had the nerve to put my name as well as my brother's name but leaves out my other2 sisters. UUUMMM EXCUZe me woman, are you serious right now??? So I go visit my dad n he asks for my sister but I didn't want to tell him what was going on. Then my brother n sister call me and say they're on their way. My bro gets there first then my sis calls and tells us to come downstairs cause they weren't letting her up.

So we go downstairs and the security guy tells us where to go to speak to the administration of the hospital. So of course my sis is beyond upset and we're trying to explain the situation to the people and they tell us that she would have to go speak to our father because only he can reverse this whole thing. So we head upstairs and my father's sis is still there and the lady says she has to leave, and my bro told her he was upset that her sis had the nerve to not put all my dad's kids on the list. So in the end we get my dad to reverse the whole thing and put himself back as a public patient.

Then my bro goes to the "aunt" n tells her she can come back in and she's like no she won't come in there as long as we are in there. UUM seriously??? WEll if thats the case, enjoy the hallway. Of course my dad is upset about this but I was like all this is your fault. You are the person with the most power and you choose not to use it. Now the family is broken and cannot be fixed because we don't like your sisters.

So now sh** is definitely bad but I knew this was going to happen. It is what it is and if they feel they can't be around us, then so be it. We never have to speak again for all I care. I HATE FAKE PEOPLE!!!!

The Heart n Mind

I'm in a dilemma....I don't know if I want to be with Stuy or not :(

Let me start from the beginning...

On Sunday we met up after work to go to the movies and everything was good. We was having light convo and enjoyed the movie. After the movie, we were walking to the train station and he came to the topic of what he wants in a female. He's like how he wants a girl who will be there for him, someone who will bail him outta jail if need be. Now this whole time we were joking around so when he said that I'm like ok well goodluck with that cause I don't have no bail money and we started laughing. Then I said well if I had it I probably would bail you out, I'd be there for you. Then it turned serious and he's like he wants this n that and I was just like ok. Well that wasn't the answer he was looking for and he got real upset with me and stopped talking to me. The whole train ride was silent. We reach his stop and he didn't get off so that he can take me to mine. We get off the train at my stop and he doesn't even walk me all the way up to where my 2nd train was coming. So I stand there with him, mind you he says nothing to me the whole time. About 5-10min later, he just walks away and goes back down the stairs to his train. He said absolutely nothing to, just walked away. So I went up to my train.

That night he doesn't hit me up to see if I got home safe or nothing. WE didn't speak for the next 2 days n then last night I tell him that since he walked away from me and I haven't heard from him since it means we're over so enjoy your birthday on monday and have a blessed life. Of course that leads us into talking about our problem and now the question is do we work this out or let it go.

I honestly don't know what I want to do. I feel like my mind is telling me to do one thing and my heart is telling me to do another. The way I look at it is the heart thinks emotionally which can cause problems, whereas the mind thinks logically which can be both good and bad. My heart tells me to work it out with him because I do care for him and I would miss him a whole lot if we stopped talking, but my mind says let it go because there are just too many problems and I don't think I see "us" in the long run. I just don't know what to do...

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Can it get any worse??

The other day my mom called me crying saying how my dad fell and now he's dying. Not quite the call I wanted..but I didn't quite understand. So I call my brother and he tells me that the nurse or doctor left the side bars down on the bed and my dad fell off and now has internal bleeding. WHAT??? He said he didn't know the full story but he's about to head to the hospital. Unfortunately I couldn't go because I had to go to work but my sister was going also. She left work early. So my mom calls me back and asks if I'm going to the hospital and I say no I have work and she starts cursing me out. Long story short I hung up cuz she was getting me tight. But I wasn't too mad at her because I knew the reason she was so mad was because she couldn't go see my dad for herself and it was hurting her.

So that night I get home but my sis was already asleep so I didn't know what the doctor said. The next morning as soon as we wake up my sister is like take a seat cuz I have something to tell you. Now my heart is pounding like hell because I knew it was about daddy dearest. Then she goes on to tell me the news.

"Dad has a bloodclot in his lungs and his abdomen is bleeding. He had a stroke on the left side of his brain and he's lucky to not be paralyzed on the left side of his body. He also has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, which has already spread thoughout his whole body. They said they are going to go through with surgery to stop the bleeding in his abdomen because if it leaks to his head he will become a vegetable. As for the cancer, there is nothing they can do because it is too late. He has less than 6 months to live and he will be lucky if he makes it to thanksgiving. Therefore, they will release him in a couple of weeks so that he can spend his time in the comfort of his home and with family."

My heart must've dropped 5 notches with every blow and tears were just streaming down my face. How could this have happened? What do they mean they can't do anything for him? IT just wasn't making any sense to me. All I kept thinking was I can't lose my daddy, he has to be around for a lot more years. He has to be there to walk me down the aisle, to see my children.

Yesterday he told my sister he feels like giving up. He's just so tired. I went to see him and he was talking to me like normal but I don't expect him to tell me anything like that because I'm a softy and in the end I'm the closest to him. I know I don't want to see him suffer but I can't bare to lose him either. I just need God to hear me out on this and help my dad through this.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Sorry for the delay in tweets but I was on vacation. Your girl went to Dominican Republic for a week with the girls and had a blast. Other than the fact that I am crispy as hell from being in the sun every single day for a week, I feel great. lol

We went to Punta Cana and stayed at this resort and my o my was it great. There were like 3 or 4 pool sites and a beach in the back. Along with every pool site was a bar in the pool which was amazing lol. Did I mention that drinks were free!!!!!!!!! lol Anyway I did some activities on this trip that I probably would've never done. First, I went horseback riding (and I hate animals lol). I was screaming the whole time the guy was helping me onto the horse and when it started moving I was freaking out lol. I started getting the hang of it but the thing I hated was when it would go too close to another horse and my leg would brush up on its behind or face. I mean it was shiting out of that behind and it was drooling out of its mouth yuck!!!! But I was a soldier and put up with it for a whole hour.

Next we went on a speed boat and on a yacht for a day trip. That wasn't too bad because I been on a speed boat before. We took the yacht to this other island which was ok minus all the damn little rocks in the ocean. After, we got back on the speed boat and went to the middle of some ocean and swam with a couple of starfishes (I'm a punk so I didn't touch them lol). Then we took the speed boat back to where the bus was waiting and went back home. The funniest part about this whole day trip was when my homegirl got drunk and couldn't function. She was taking crazy shots on the yacht and it caught up with her and she was finished.

Next day we went riding on dirt bikes and OMG I had a blast. My homegirl kept screaming at me to slow down but I didn't want to. I bumped into the bike ahead of me and just started laughing and then kept it moving. We rode the bikes to this cave and people were like diving in to swim inside. The water was 20ft deep and my ass doesn't know how to swim so I stayed on the rocks taking pictures lol. Then we rode the bikes to this other beach and went for a swim. While in the water i started raining and at first we was all running out of the water but then we thought bout it and was like that's pointless and went right back in. After we rode the bikes back so that we could go back to the hotel. I forgot to mention that my homegirls ran their bike into a tree which was hilarious. She was like eat my dust and they dre off.....right into the tree hahahah lol. When the man helped them out they started driving again and later drove off the road into the bushes lol. Talk about bad luck.

We ended our vacation getting full body massages and relaxing on the beach and pool. I had a great week...I wish we could've stayed longer though. But I'm back and black as ever lol

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Talk About Being Ungrateful

As we know my father is in the hospital and we have all been going to visit him...including my mom. Now daddy had no problem with this. He was actually happy to have my mother around again and he said that to us. This all changed this week.

My sis goes to the hospital to see him and my brother, aunt and cousin are there. So after about 10minutes my dad says to my sis he has something to tell her. She said she didn't want to hear it, she wasn't in the right mind frame for anything. So my aunt is like well maybe I should leave the room and my dad is like no you can stay.

So then he proceeds to say, "Tell your mom not to come visit me at the hospital anymore. I don't want to see her again, that's why I moved out". Wait just a darn minute, are you serious right now. So my sis asks why and he's like because she's the reason his blood pressure is rising. So she's like wait your not serious right now. Mom has been coming to visit you everyday and been taking care of you since you were admitted to the hospital and you were the one that said thank god she was there for you. Now out of nowhere she's making your blood pressure rise, all lies.

They argue for a bit and then my sis says something to my aunt and then storms out of the room. SOme might say that my sis was wrong because he's sick but I would've done the same thing....probably worse. I just don't understand it. It's like he was trying to be nice and humble to everyone because he was in bad shape, pretty much in his death bed. Now that he's getting better, he wants to kick everyone who was there for him to he curb for his sister. I'm so over that side of my family!!!

I forgot to mention that my cousin came to see my dad the other day and we was all there but it was my mom and her 2 sisters in the room with my dad. This dumb rude ass b**ch walks into the room and doesn't say hi to anyone but my dad. Acted like the other grown ups weren't in the room. When my mother told me this I was heated....that shit was mad freaking rude. I don't care how many times your mother said not to say anything to my mom. Like I was soo mad because I would never do that to my mother because in the end we are allstill family. Well now its like FUCK FAMILY!!! Well my dad's side anyway.

He Did WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Life has been so crazy for my family lately. Now we know my dad has been sick...he's getting better but he's back at the hospital after being released for like one day.

But the major drama is with the sorry ass man that is the father of my sister's baby. He was suppose to come pick up Nas Sunday so my sis rushed home to get his stuff ready for the bastard. So the guy gets here and he's all up on my sis like you talk all that shit over the phone but you aint saying nothing now. So she's like aint no one worried about you and he came up behind her so she pushed him away like don't touch me and he punched her. Yes blog world...HE PUNCHED HER!!!! So she hit him bck and they started fighting from there. He picked her up and slammed her on the floor and she kneed him in the balls. While they were fighting the baby is on the bed crying and I guess they hit the bed and the baby fell off and was crying hysterically. But did that stop him from beating on my sis.....NOOOOO OF COURSE NOT. He starts to choke her now and she knees him again and then he slams her against the door. By this time my mother is outside and heard the loud bang on the door and she came inside and found this MOTHERF**KER on top of my sis on the bed choking her. I gues its true when they say mothers have a strenght inside of them because my mother grabbed him and slammed him against the wall and held him there. My sis caught her breath and started punching him in the face and my mother is just screaming stop it. Then she says why are you doing this and he starts screaming how much he hates my sis and wants her dead so my mom is like if you hate her so much why are you here. Just leave!!! By this time the neighbor called the cops and the father left.

So of course I'm at work throughout all this fiasco and all my family members are here and everyone is calling me to tell me the dra. My brother comes with a hammer and my other brother comes with a belt lmfao. (I'm like what the hell was he going to do......spank the guy lol)

Then my sis calls his house and said to the father your fucking son hit me....he's dead!! So the jerks father is like omg and calls his wife to the phone and she said the same thing to her and the lady is like how she's coming over. When she gets here my oldest sister is like your fucking son put his hands on my sister....he messed with the wrong family. Then her and the mother gets into an argument. Whatever happens and then the lady tries to come in and my aun was like no you have to go and kicked her out. (That part was funny as hell to me.....GO AUNTY!!!)

All in all my sis has to do a order of protection and get a restraining order an do all these things for her safety. My whole thing is I just don't understand why he hates he so much. Is it because she moved on and has a new man in her life?? I know stuff like this happens all the time but I will never understand how you can go from loving someone so much to having pure hatred for them.

I keep thinking what would I have done if it was me who walked in instead of my mother. What would I have done to him? But I honestly think I would have found a weapon or knife or something and done bodily harm. NOONE MESSES WITH MY SiS!!!

As of right now the dumb mother fucker is in jail thank god.....but my brothers are ready to kill him. AAWW man the drama in the life of my family just doesn't end.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Hospital Visit

I went to visit daddy today. I never looked at that man and felt so crushed before in my life.

First off we get to the hospital and my mom waits in the hall because she hasn't spoken to my dad since they seperated. I walk into the room and my brother is already in there and he's talking to the doctor about the procedure my dad just went through for his dialysis. After he leaves my dad asks where my mom is and I'm like she's in the hallway...she doesn't know if she should come in or not. So he goes tell her to come...go get her. Now I was shocked because my dad has always made it his duty to avoid seeing or being around my mom. So I bring her into the room and he says hi and she gives him a kiss on the cheek. Then we all start talking and he tells us about what they did to him and all that.

Now I feel myself tearing up and I'm trying to fight it so that it won't come down. I succeed the first couple of times but it became too unbearable. No matter how much I tried to look up to get it to go back down, it wouldn't and came down. My brother seen it and I tried to quickly wipe it away because I really didn't want my dad to see me cry but it was too late. So I turned around and tried to wipe my tears away and my dad is like Shay why you crying, I'm fine. My brother says she not crying she just has allergies lol. Of course my dad is like hey do I look stupid to you.

I felt kind of bad though because we are suppose to be strong for him and we're not suppose to cry in front of him and I wasn't able to do that. I am always the strong one and I let a moment of weakness slip out. I know sometimes you just can't help it but I should've fought harder. I just couldn't bear the sight. He looked so small and frail and like he wasn't in control anymore and idk...

After a while my brother took me out in the hall for us to talk and he's like you should've never cried in front of him and I'm like I know but it's not like I planned it. I kind of vented to my brother too. I told him we aren't suppose to see daddy like this. He's suppose to be the strong one, the funny one, the one who acts like a big kid with us. But instead he's layed up in the hospital trying to get better, not really knowing if he will.

My dad keeps putting up this big front as if everything is okay but I know he's dying inside. I know he doesn't want us to see him this way and it hurts me so much. I try not to think about it because everytime I do I cry and I don't want to.

When we were leaving, I could tell in his eyes he didn't want us to go. He didn't want us to leave him in the hospital by himself. I could tell he wants to just come home...but he can't. I wish this pain coul just go away and things could go back to the way they were..but will it????

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Daddy is in the Hospital

Last night I was chilling with Stuy and my brother im's me and tells me my dad is in the hospital. This caught me totally off guard so I call my sister and she's like yeah he is but she doesn't know anything. So I took my chances and I called him and he picked up(thank god). SoI'm like what happen and he said he wasn't feeling good and was throwing up and couldn't bring himself to go to work so my aunt took him to the emergency room. So then he said they're gonna keep him over night to run tests and such so I'm like okay...even though inside I was worried.

So this morning I call him and I'm like what's going on now and he says that they said they are most likely going to have to keep him for the rest of the week to run dialysis. I don't know what that means but it has me scared on the inside. I know people always say you should not think of the worst but I can't help it. I just don't want to get that phone call with inevitable news because I wouldn't know how to handle it. I guess I just have to pray for the best and hope my dad is alright. I am extremely close to him and the pain of losing him would be unbearable. I know he has kidney problems and he is also diabetic but I know GOD will watch over him. Keep my daddy in yall prayers please!!!

Who Woulda Thought

There's this guy that I've had a crush on for the longest time now, but I just never thought anything would happen. It goes back to wen I was in JHS and I believe he was in HS. Let me tell you how we met:

My mom was going on a trip around the world and wanted to get a pair of sneakers so we went to the mall and went to ladies footlocker. There was this really cute guy working there and my mom decided to make him help her that day. When I tell you this lady put him through hell, I mean it. It was to the point where my sis and I had to walk away because she kept bothering him and changing her mind on the sneaker she wanted. She finally decided on some presto (I know yall remember when people were rocking those...all except me(yuck lol)). Ever since that day everytime this guy see's me or my sister, he would always say hi.

So now I get older and I realize that this guy lives around me and knows the same people I know and I still see him from time to time but nothing serious.

Fourth of July my friends and I go to the all white affair at the hamptons....and who do I see (Mr. Footlocker). I said hi and he gave me a big hug and was like wow you look gorgeous and I'm like thanks (inside I was glowing lol). So he's like you don't hit no one up and I'm like I use to but you never respond so I stopped and he's like well make sure you hit me up and I'll make it my duty to respond. HHHMMM genius idea pops into my head lol and I say how bout you just take down my number and he's like ok. But then he realizes one of his friends has his phone so he gives me his number (and a name so I finally stop calling him by his myspaec name lol).

Party continues and I bump into him again and he's like hugging me and stuff and like its always nice to see you. After the party I text him so he can have my number and we talk briefly.

Now we speak everyday and we realized we had so much in common. I don't know what's really going to happen with him but I'm hoping it does go somewhere. The only bad thing is he's not as tall as I like my men but he's real cute and smart so I won't the height stop me from pursuing it. I'll keep you guys posted on Mr. Footlocker.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Small World

The besty was on her friendly duty today and "found me someone". She hits me up and sends me a pic of dude and his name. I'm like okay he looks aiight (even though I would prefer a different angle), so I text him. We start talking, but we can't really do too much getting to know each other cause I'm at work.

So I get home and I call him. Now we on the phone and he's like you look like someone I know and I'm like who and he respond his homegirl. So I'm just like oo okay and he's like you sound like her too. When he first seen my picture, he called the girl to find out if she had a sister or anything because we looked soo similar. HHMMM Well what's your friend's name...his response Jessica. I'm like that's real funny because my sister's name is Jessica too. "light bulb" now goes off in my head.

Now he already told me where he lives and where he works, so I'm like where did you work before you had this job and he says Children's Place. I ask if it was the one at the mall and he goes yea, so my next question is did he ever work at Models....his response yes!!!!! OMFG I KNOW THIS MAN!!! So I say that is my sister!!!!!!!!!! O lord this is the same man that use to talk to my sister.

So now he's like so now what's gonna happen and I'm like with He says yea and I'm like I mean we can be friends and he's like I was hoping we could've been more than that and I say "You use to talk to my sister" and of course Jess shot out of her sleep and was like who is that? I say the name and she's like wow and he definitely called me today asking your name. So she takes the phone and they start speaking about it.

Long story short, I definitely cannot talk to this man for two main reasons: one...he use to talk to my sister (major no no in my book) and two..from what I remember he's COCKEYED!!!! lmao. I think that's why he sent me the side profile picture. O well the search continues for my future boo (well I'm not searching...he just better hurry up and find me lol).

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Indian Giver

I pose this question...If you ever bought your significant other a gift, would you ask for the gift back??

Now I asked this question to Stuy and his response was yes. He says that whatever he gets a girl during the relationship, he wants it back after they break up. So I'm like wow that's crazy. Why would you expect the item(s) back if they were a GIFT, that just doesn't make sense. He says because technically I wanted her to have them because we were together and I want nothing but the best for my girl but if we aren't together anymore then she doesn't need to have it.

So I say well she doesn't have to give it back because it was a gift and it's not like you lent it to her. Once you gave it to her, it became her property. I also say its not like you cold force her to give it to you nor can you just take it from her.

We go back and forth about this topic and we still don't agree with this situation. He did go on to say that if its something little like a top or something he wouldn't ask for it back but if it's jewelry he would definitely want it back.

So I ask you guys this, would you ask for your gift back? And if so, would it be everything you ever gave this person or just the expensive things like jewelry?

How Important is "Making it Official"

So I'm talking to Stuy last night and we get into the topic of people making their relationship "official". According to him, what's the point of making a relationship official if both parties are happy with the way things are going. Stuy claims that when you put a title, it makes everything more confusing and things take a turn for the worse.

Now I do understand where he is coming from because sometimes people do tend to start acting differently when a title is put on a relationship, but I still think it is needed. I mean if one really thinks about it, if there is no title on a relationship people tend to take advantage. For example, if one party does go out on dates with other people or engages in sexual activities with someone else, would it really be considered cheating? Some might say no because technically this person isn't in a relationship, they just "talk, date, or spend time" with someone. Others (including Stuy) would say yes this is cheating because if you are commited to this person, then title or not, you should not be spending time with someone else let alone having sex with them.

Then he goes on to saying that he has a problem with committment and he's happy with the way things are. He then ask me what would I do or say if he says he just wants us to stay the way we are and he won't be putting a title on us or anything. I said I would say goodbye because to me that means our relationship isn't going anywhere. I understand one shouldn't be tlaking to someone just for that title, but to me it means that the relationship is going somewhere and you have more things to look forward to as the relationship progresses.

We then get on the topic of marriage and he says that he doesn't know if he sees himself ever getting married. He rathers being in a committed relationship knowing that the girl is there for him no matter what then just getting married and having to worry about her infidelities. I just don't agree bcause if you can be in a relationship with an individual for a long period of time and you trust her with your heart and everything else, why can't you just marry the person.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Would you be okay with being with someone for more than, lets say 3yrs, and still be in the "talking or dating" stage? How important is making it official or getting married to you?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Threesome...For real??

So I wake up the other day and the first text I see is from Stuy and he's saying how he wants to have a threesome. Wait is he serious?? So I'm like where did this come from and he's like my brain so I'm like well take it out and he says it won't come out until it comes out. So I say it's not going to happen and he's like well we'll talk about this later and I'm like there's nothing to talk about and he says yes there is and I say well you'll just be wasting your breath. Luckilly he didn't bring it up again.

So I'm wondering does he not realize how complicated it is to have a threesome. I mean you have to decide if you're going to have it with another guy or girl and then how are you going to go about choosing this person. I remember someone saying that it leads to problems in the way of how you choose the person because if he chooses some female you'll wonder if they ever had relations or if he's been fantasizing about having relations with this girl and the same thing applies to the girl choosing the 3rd party.

I also know it may break a relationship because what if feelings beaome involved? What if the female or male decides to keep having relations with the 3rd party, thus bringnig more complications to the relationship, which may end in the couple breaking up.

I remember reading this book where this married couple decided to have a threesome and they brought another female in. Everything went well but the female caught feelings for the wife and they began doing their own thing o the side behind the husband's back. They had relations for a while and thenthe husband foud out and the wife decided to end the relationship she had with this other lady and things took a turn for the worse.

I know its more complicated when its a married couple, but I still don't think I could have a threesome with my significant other and someone else. I was talking to a friend about it and she said that it would be easier to be the 3rd party in someone else relationship then to be the one bringing in a 3rd party into your relationship. I think that's true on a lot of levels but in the end it all can lead to disaster.

It Just Isn't the Same

Last night I made plans with Harlem for us to chill and I stay the night since we were both off today. So after work I take the train there and we chill and talk for a bit when I get there. He then goes into the shower, since he just came from the gym, and I take one after a long day at work. We watch cartoons until we fall asleep. Well he fell asleep, I continued watching.

I didn't really get a good nights rest because he was basically holding me, kind of cuddling I guess, and that was all cool because it does make me feel special, but its not something I like for the whole night. The only reason is because it makes it difficult to get a good nights rest. Every position I changed to made me fee so uncomfortable and I also didn't want to hurt his hand because it was basically underneath me. The television was also pretty loud so I kept waking up like every 20-30min.

Anyway, I wake up and I'm just laying there watching tv while he's still holding me while sleeping. Then we start messing around and blah blah blah lol. Now I already felt some type of way because the whole time he never kissed me. Now at first I'm like maybe its because we just woke up and there's the whole morning breath thing and he just felt it be best if we didn't kiss. After he comes back to the bed and we are just watching tv and talking, but he's kind of like on the other side of the bed at the edge and there's this big gap between us. Now all I'm thinking is what the hell. Usually he has his head on my chest, basically using my breast as a pillow or he has me laying on him. Either way he always made sure that we were in eachother's arms but today this wasn't the case.

So I didn't want it to be that I'm overreacting so I hit up the besty an I'm expaining this to her and she's like say something to him. So I ask him why is he so far away from me, do we have beef or something. His response "Well whenever I'm laying on my right side I like to be at the edge of the bed. It just feels more comfortable. I even do that when I'm here by myself."

Now I'm like that's a load of crap because this isn'the first time I've slept over let alone chill with him in his room. So I'm telling the best how things just feel different between me and Harlem and how he hasn't kissed me the whole time I've been with him. So she says either he has a girl or he just doesn't want to get too attached. So I say to him why does it feel like things are different and he's like with what and I'm like between us and he's like in what way. So I say I don't know but it just seems different and he goes we'll talk about this when I get out the shower and walks out the room. We never spoke about this again smh.

The ride home today was completely silent and I fell asleep. When we get back to brooklyn I wake up and we make small talk about things we hear on the radio and such. We get in front of my house and as I'm getting out the car, he gets out also. Then he comes around and gives me a hug and says I'll hit you up later and tell your sister I said hi, if she remembers me. So I just say ok and yea she does remember you and I go inside. I DIDN'T EVEN GET A GOODBYE KISS!!!!

Am I overreacting?? Should I not feel some type of way about not getting a kiss the whole time, about the way he was acting at his house? I didn't even mention that when we were leaving his crib it was pouring rain and I had my umbrella, purse and over night bag and he had nothing in his hand and he didn't even offer to hold my bag. IDK Maybe I'm just reading into things too much.

Last but not least, we didn't eat anything and he didn't even ask me f I wanted some food but I go on twitter and his status says he's at ihop waiting on his food and how he's starving. I think it's time I call it quits with Harlem!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

My laptop is Dying

I had my gateway laptop when I started my college career. That was the first thing my daddy bought me when I was going away to school and boy has it been a blessing. But it seems that now that my college years are over, so is my laptop life "sad face".

It was working perfectly fine yesterday before I left the house and when I come home it was a dark screen so I just thought if I restart it, it would be fine. NOPEE!!!!! It would turn off and then restart over and over again...all on its own. IT kind of seemed like it was possessed. But now I'm freaking out because I don't know how to fix it (I know..just take it to a computer store and have them look at it) but I don't know if that will help.

I turned it off an hr ago and when I turned it back on it said that there was something wrong with windows or something of that nature and I went to put it on safe mode, but lie an idiot I restarted it and now its doing the same thing again.

I been wanting to get a new laptop (preferably a macbook) but the funds aint there for that right now. I guess I gotta start collecting my graduation funds from those who haven't dished out. Hopefully my gateway feels better because I don't want to say goodbye yet :(

Sunday, June 7, 2009

No Crying on the Boatride

Last night I went on a boatride for Ash birthday. We all looked real nice and the boat was nice also. It had 3 floors and a buffet and like 3-4 bars.

I got on the boat and was taking professional pictures and then I wanted to take pics on my own camera. This couldn't happen because I forgot my camera in the car. I was pissed and sad because I always have to have pics (yea I know I'm dramatic).

We all chilling on the 3rd floor of the boat and it was cool. Music was nice and we was taking pics and dancing and stuff. So then we all sat down and I took a look around at the people I came with. Ash was with her bf, my sis was with hers, and a couple of my other homegirls were. Then this feeling just hit me and I became sad. Neqs asked me if I was ok and I'm like yea I'm fine...and then I felt my eyes water up. I decided to just look up to make them go away before anyone sees and then Ash taps me and asks if I was ok. I look at her and say yes (bad move). She saw my eyes glistening and was like n your not and then the tears fell. I tried to wipe them away but she kept asking what's wrong and I'm like I'm fine. So she tells her bf and they both are trying to cheer me up. So he's like you need a drink and I'm like no I'm good and he's like I'll get you juice or alcohol, you choose and I'm like nah I'm good. So Ash is like no get her a drink. So he's like I'm going down there to get something, come with me and I'm like no I don't want to walk through these people with tears in my eyes and of course Ash pushes me to go with him.

We get to the bar and he's talking to me about alcohol and how I'm no match for him and I really appreciated it because it cheered me up. It was also real cool because sometimes I don't know if he likes me or not and I'm always telling Ash that.

So I know everyone is wondering why I was crying and the reason is because I felt lonely all over again. I mean I was with all my friends and we were having a good time but I just wanted what they had for a sec. I wanted to have a bf and be there with him and dance with him and just have a nice time and take pics with him. I think it really hit me because I never had that in my life and I am 22years old. I know that was the wrong time to be thinking about that but I couldn't help it due to my surroundings.

After the boatride I was telling Stuy and he was like damn babe I wish you told me it was a couple thing and he felt bad. But then we get on the topic that we aren't official and he's like I don't be acting as if I even want to be official with him. Truth be told I really don't know if I want it...with him that is....

Bold Move

I'm on my way to work the other day and I'm just sitting on the train listening to my ipod. Of course I'm looking at everyone on the train since there's really nothing else to do. I look to my left and at the other end of the seat is this guy.

Now I'm checking him out and seeing if he's someone I would talk to lol. He had on this burgundy button down, dark blue jeans, burgundy nike boots and JEWELRY!!! Diamond (at least I Think they were lol) earrings, diamond ring and this nice watch. Now everyone knows I LOVE MEN IN JEWELRY. I don't quite know what it is about it, but it is just so sexy and a major turn on to me.

So I keep looking at him and I notice he keeps looking at me also. I wanted him to smile, come over or signal for me or something, but he didn't. All I kept thinking was damn if he was closer I would've said something to him. I had a seat next to me and across from me and he had a seat next to him. I kept thinking maybe I should go sit next to him, but that would've just been a thirsty move. So I let it go, especially since the train got crowded. I figured if we get off at the same stop, I'll think about saying something to him lol.

Guess what happens when I get to my stop.....................HE GETS OFF TOO!!!!!!!!! lmao I was hype. So I purposely make it so that I'm walking close to him lol. Now we're walking to the N/Q train and he stops after a while. So I walk up a lil more and stop. I'm nervous as hell now and I'm going back and forth on if I should say something to him. Then I'm like what the hell am I going to say to get his attention.

I finally muster up the courage and I walk a lil closer to him. He's not looking in my direction so I had to get his attention. This is how the convo goes:

Me: "Excuse me can I ask you a question?"
Him: Yea
Me: Are you talking to anyone right now?
Him: Yea I am
Me: Oh ok...That's too bad
Him: What's your name?
Me: Shay. And you are?
Him: Cliff
Me: Ok. Are you and the girl serious?
Him: Umm not really
Me: How long yall been talking?
Him: A month
Me: Thats not serious

Then he laughs and we talk some more. We tell eachother a lil about one another. He tells me I'm bold and noone has ever come up to him like that before. I tell him I seen him on the train and I wanted to say something but didn't. He's like how he seen me too and he kept looking at me but the guy next to me kept looking at him so he figured I was with the guy. I'm like eww noo lol. My train comes and I'm like give me a call sometime and I gave him my number and got on the train.

I was so proud of myself because I'm a punk. But I wanted to do this because I didn't want to think about what could've been. HE hasn't called and I don't know if he will but I'm just happy I made that effort. I wonder if I could always be this bold lol

Fresh Start is Needed

Ok I know all I've been talking about is my relationship problems (if you would even call them relationships) but I just can't help it. I need to vent.

We all know the cancellation of last night's plans (read previous blog), so when I made plans with Stuy for today, I was expecting everything to go as planned. NOT!! First off I had to get my hair done all alone this morning because mom dukes decided to stay at work and not inform me lol. This took a major toll on my schedule of events for the day. The plan was for me to go to the hair salon at like 9/10am so that I could be finished by 12pm and then Stuy could come over so we could chill. SMH I didn't end up leaving my house until 1230pm and then had to go by daddy house and then the salon. I ended up finishing my hair at like 245pm and I gave him the directions to my house. He calls me about an hour later saying he doesn't knw if he's coming and he'll call me back and let me know. UUGHH

When I didn't hear from him I figured he wasn't coming so I got comfy in bed. He then tells me to come meet him because he's almost here. On my way, I see my mother and sister and I'm like damn this heffa is home early. I tell him and he gets mad. I'm like you can still come over because my sis doesn't care. But does he....NOOO. He leaves with an attitude and that led to arguing for the next few days.

By day 4 we had a long discussion and I decided maybe he should just stay in my past. He acted as if the decision didn't affect him but kept speaking to me about it. But my mind was made up. WE WERE OVER!!

Next day I don't hit him up at all...what's the point?? We're over. He calls me late that night but I was sleeping and the morning after I text him and we started discussing us again. So we are trying it out..yet again. I don't know what my problem is....

Friday, June 5, 2009

Sorry About the Delay

Sorry people!!! I know I haven't blogged in a while but I have been working like a mad woman. I have started a couple and I have so much that has happened. Hopefully I will get back to my blogs in a couple days. Bare with me.

Until then, I will brief yall on what's going on. Stuy and I have ended things and I was trying to give him another shot yet again but I don't know if that may work out. Still trying to get a job in my field and life is still back in forth with boredom and fun lol.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Graduation Parties

Well it's known that my gurls and I have just graduated from college (WOOHOO LOL), so this weekend was dedicated to us celebrating. Friday night was my homie graduation party @ Club Prime and Saturday was the other homie's graduation/birthday party at her crib.

Friday night was fun. While on the line, Chocolate came and he was talking to Ashy. He said wassup to me but no hug (I was a lil offended but whatever). So we finally get in the club and link up with the rest of the gurls and of course millions of pictures were taken. One thing I was a lil taken aback about was the price of the drinks. I ordered goose n orange juice and that crap was $14. Now I know this is typical in NY but understand I have been partying in ATL and I have yet to pay over $10 for a drink out there.

I should mention that Chocolate didn't end up coming in because they were charging him $40 to get in when he was really only suppose to pay $20. I was disappointed (I was really disappointed lol) but it was whatever I guess. lol

Around 2:30am Ashy had to go cuz she had to pick up the boo and I wasn't ready to leave so she left alone. Now I don't want you guys to think I'm grimey because I kept asking if she was cool with that cuz if she wasn't I would leave with her. I mean it was one of my closest friend's party so of course I didn't wana leave until it was over but Ashy is like my sis so I didn't want her getting mad at me, but she said she was cool and I just made sure she texted me when she got to the car, when she picked him up, and when she got home lol.

Saturday night was the backyard party and I had a blast as well. All the homies were there and guess who came thru......CHOCOLATE!!!!! lol. So me n Ash are walking to the crib from the car and we see him standing there talking to some girl and I already felt some type of way lol, but it turned out to be my homegurl. So he gives Ash a big hug and doesn't say anything to me ERRRR. When he looks at me I said hey Chocolate but he didn't say anything so I was like wow ok I won't be saying anything else to him for the rest of the night.

So me n Ash go upstairs to get some food and drinks and as we was eating, Chocolate comes up and starts talking to Ash. I just mind my business and eat my food. So then Ash says Shay, Chocolate says you didn't say anything to him tonight and I'm like wow are you serious. I definitely said hi to him and he ignored me. So he's like no you didn't, I kept looking at you waiting to catch your eye to say wassup and you made it your duty to not look at me. (lmao) I'm like no when I seen you look at me (once) I said "Hi Chocolate" and you just turned away as if I was nothing and he's like nah I didn't hear you. So then he comes and stands by me and gives me a hug and we talk for a bit. (The butterflies were on full mode at this time lol).

The night goes on and its full of pics and jokes and cake and drinks lol. Then Ash tells me she's leaving and I'm like ok (once again I'm not leaving cuz this is my close friend party). So I go to put my bag down and when I come back, she's gone. So I'm using my homeboy phone to call her but she not pickin up. So I get Chocolate to call her and she said she had left and he's like bring your ass back over here. Then he hooks my arm to his and we walk to go meet up with her ( I was feeling special and freaking paparazzi caught it on camera lol). I should add that he came with a date (and shorty was not cute to me...and I'm definitely not hating. I just think he could do better but I heard that's his ride or die so whatever!!!). While we were walking I asked if this is he gonna get into trouble with shorty he came with and of course he said no. He a grown ass man and can do whatever he wants lol.

So we get to the car and he talks for a bit and then he leaves. So I'm talking to Ash and then she says she has to go and when I say give me a hug she says no because she's mad at me but rather not talk about it now. So of course I went to the bestie and tried to get her input and that's when I realized that because I was trying to entertain everyone, I neglected Ash. Knowing everyone at a party isn't all its cracked up to be. But overall, THIS WAS A GREAT WEEKEND!!!!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I Hate That Line

So last week I went shopping with some of the gurls and we was having a good time getting ready for the weekend festivities (I'll post about that soon). While shopping Harlem hits me up letting me know he was on vacation from work for the next 2wks which means he has nothing but free time to see me. Now you know I'm hype!!! lol

So I end the shopping a lil early and head out to the crib to chill with him. I had a pretty good time just chilling with him and talking and watching the game and such. The only downfall of the night was when it was time to go home that night and I had to take the train because he was too tired to drive me home (I don't know why I put up with this..the things I do when I like someone smh). Then we were suppose to chill the next day but he ended up cancelling ughh.

Well I started working this week and I found out that I would be off today and tomorrow so I made plans with Harlem. We were gonna do dinner and a movie and then I would stay by his place for the night. I was excited (I even went to the spa today). Well he hits me up this morning (and that was a sign for me that he was gonna cancel or something was going to happen that I wouldn't be too happy about). So of course he asks if we can reschedule for tomorrow night. I'M HEATED!!!!!! I just hate when I'm all set with my plans and it gets cancelled, especially when the person is always cancelling. So of course I was saying stuff like do you even like me?? Does it bother you when we can't chill??

His response...IF I DIDN'T LIKE YOU, YOU WOULDN'T BE IN MY CRIB!!!!!!!!!!! I hate that line because its not necessarily true. I could be in your house because you want a good f**k or you're bored or whatever other reason. Granted I do hope he likes me because I obviously like him, but sometimes I just don't know. I just feel like I get mixed signals. The only time I feel like he actually cares about me and has feelings for me is when we're together. Sometimes I ask myself why do I even continue with him...but we all know the answer to that....

Thursday, May 21, 2009


I haven't really had the chance to blog lately because it's been such a crazy week, partying and what not lol. Read previous blogs about senior week.

Well this past monday, May 18, 2009 I graduated from Clark Atlanta University with a BA in Finance!!!!!!!!! I was hype as hell because I worked so hard for it and made it my duty to be able to achieve this accomplishment in 4yrs. This day was suppose to be the happiest day of my life, but it wasn't. My brother got me soooooooo mad.

So after graduation, of course there was traffic (on foot) because everyone was talking to friends and family and snapping pictures everywhere, me included. So then my brother calls me and tells me to meet them by the car and I say ok. Then my lil sis called and said to meet them in front of my apartment so I said ok and went in front of my apartment. So we was taking pics and my mom came with some balloons and it was all good. Then we went inside because I had to use the bathroom and we had to call the restaurant to make sure we didn't need to make reservations. Then my brother calls all mad asking where we are at so we say in the house. He's all mad because he's hungry and I'm like well I'm hungry too, I been up since 530am and haven't eaten anything yet. My man goes into complete b*tch mode and stopped picking up the phone. We kept calling and calling and he was just sending us to voicemail, so we decided to just call a cab. When the cab says he'll be here soon, my brother decides to call and say come to the car. So now we are walking and looking for the car but we can't find it. Now do remember I have on heels and so does my mother and this dumb motherf**ker has us walking all over campus looking for him.

We keep calling him and at first he was just ignoring the call, but then he turns off his phone completely. So we call the cab again (since I was ignoring the 1st one we called and he left). As soon as the cab pulls up and we start getting into it, my brother pulls up right behind. Then this n**ga comes to the cab door like if yall wana take a cab then go ahead, give me my son's bag and snatches the bag and storms over to his car and drives off.

Usually this wouldn't have gotten to me but I was mad. It was bad enough that a lot of the important people in my life couldn't make it (dad, ash, steph, rach. jess, laurie, etc), but then he was making the day about him. Now I am not a selfish person, but May 18 was MY DAY!!!!!! It was suppose to be about me and only me. I don't care if my brother was starving, he was suppose to take my feelings into consideration before throwing a b**ch fit.

While we were in the cab to the restaurant, I started crying. I can't say it was only because of my brother tho. I think my bro had a big part but I was also so very sad that people couldn't be there to share this day with me. To add insult to injury, he didn't show up to the restaurant. He went back to where he was staying and packed his bag and went to the airport. So you know what I say..."F**K HIM!!!!"

Then last night he had the nerve to text me asking for the $60 I owe him. Well guess what, he aint getting it because he still owess me $100. UGHH FAMILY!!!!!

Lemme Introduce Chocolate

When I first started college, I wasn't really experienced in the dating field, let alone the sexual field. In high school I use to find any reason to not go out with a guy and just kick it with my girls, but once I got to college I realized this needed to change. (I actually realized this my senior year in hs when I couldn't find someone to go to the prom with).

So I encountered this man, let's call him Chocolate lol, and it turned out he was really cool with one of my close home girls. So he decided to get some info from my friend about me and I did the same. Once we were both satisfied, we decided to set up a date to actually hang out and get to know eachother. I came home one weekend to visit from school and he came by my house and I WAS SOOO SATISFIED!!! lol The next day we went to the movies and had a pretty good time just hanging out at the crib. We continued talking for a couple months before I gave up the goodies.

One saturday morning he comes and picks me up from my crib and we go back to his place. I was nervous as hell because I really liked him and I didn't want to do anything wrong to make him not like me. He turned out to be packing and the sex was GREAT.

Now I have this tendency to think like some men at times and believe that once a man has had sex with me, they will lose interest because that's all that they wanted. I took on this attitude with Chocolate and I think that turned him away.

Remember how I said that Chocolate and my homegirl are really cool, well because of that I see him on different occasions when he comes by her crib and EVERYTIME I see him, I get those butterflies. I feel like we are meeting all over again and I get a lil shy.

I haven't seen Chocolate since August at our last annual cookout and me and him were talking for a good while. I wanted to exchange numbers with him so we could keep in touch but that didn't end up happening. Anyway, I do still have feelings for him and I want us to start talking again.

When I come to this revelation, I find out that Chocolate and my sis from another mother are really cool as well. I tell her about my history with him and that I still have feelings for him and now she's trying to get us back together. Now I'm definitely not complaining but I'm nervous as hell. Saturday my homie is having a graduation party and Chocolate is suppose to be there so now I'm going crazy looking for an outfit to wear to look good lol. Isn't it crazy what we do when we know certain people are going to be where we are going to be?? I just hope he's still interested and now that I am back in NY, me and him can start talking on that level again. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Senior Dinner

I got my cap and gown today. I was so excited and as soon as I got home I put it on. I feel like its a lil too big but I can't do nothing about it now so its whatever. I also received my yearbook and my graduation picture looks great, if I do say so myself lol.

So I went to the senior dinner today and they were showing our graduation pics and giving speeches and food and such. Then they had awards for people. I RECEIVED ONE!!!! It basically says that they recognize me for my academic achievement. I am graduating with a 3.42 gpa and although I should be ecstatic, I'm a lil down. I was hoping to get my gpa back to being above a 3.5 but that didn't happen. I was taking 6 classes this semester and I got 2 As and 4 Bs, and I thought I was going to get at least 3 As and 3 Bs but I can't complain right..I mean I'm graduating on Monday lol.

Senior Week..The Beginning

I came back to Atlanta yesterday just so that I could partake in the senior festivities. (As you can see I'm putting my frequent flyer miles to use lol)

Last night we went to this club called Tongue & Lounge. Can you say POPPIN!!!!!!! We had a blast and I had about 4 drinks. Now let me back track here. This event was suppose to be open bar all night for ladies and we arrive around 12 or 1 in the morning. We go to the bar now to start the night right and there's no open bar. ERRHHH So we find the one of the people throwing the parties and ask wassup with this and they said open bar all night ended at 12. UMMM Sweetie if it was open bar all night, it shouldn't end til the club closes. But of course I didn't let that stop me. Just paid my money and got my drinks lol

Now I have this friend and me and him are always together. Everyone thinks we go out because of this but of course we just tell them its only friendship. So at the party my homeboy grabs me and pushes me onto my friend and says dance with him and stands in front of me so I couldn't move lol. People are too funny. Then at the end of the night he kept pushing me onto my friend so I could stay on his lap.

I should tell you guys that I do have a thing for my friend and after that I kept texting him so that we could stay the night together. Of course we didn't but I wanted to. I mean is it bad that I want this out of my system since we are graduating and we might not see eachother ever again???

Well tonight is the black and white affair at the Velvet Room and I got my dress and shoes ready. I'll let yall know how this evening turns out.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Disrespect to the Max!!!!!

What do you think is the most utmost form of disrespect ever????

I personally think it's someone spitting on you because it's a way of saying you are nothing and don't matter AT ALL!!!! This is what people do when they are saying you have no meaning in my life and it wouldn't matter to me if anything was to ever happen to you.

Well my sister had that said to her. Yesterday she had to go to court for her dead beat of a baby father and he was beyond pissed. He was grilling her the whole time and I'm guessing cursing her under his breath.

When court was over, he left right away. She had gone with her best friend, and they didn't leave the court house until about 30min after the dead beat left. They was standing outside and my sis just felt a presence upon her and by the time she turned around, she already felt something wet on her face. The dead beat was out there waiting for them to come out, and spit on her!!!! She said she actually smelled it and it reaked (as if he didn't brush his teeth that morning). The spit also landed on her bff jacket.

The next question, of course, is what did she do????? NOTHING!!!!!!!! smh sad to say. He did it so quick and just walked away like nothing happened. She had a long umbrella and was about to start swinging it at him but the bff stopped her and said think about the baby and what the court might say or something like that. I personally would've found a way to kick him in the nuts (5x) and then spit right back at him while he layed on the floor in pain...BUT THAT'S JUST ME LOL

What would you do if someone ever spit on you????

Backing Out of Graduation

The other day I was looking through the millions of pictures I have on facebook and I stumbled on my sister's graduation pictures. I remembered how we all drove there as a family and stayed at her apartment and went to the graduation late and pretended we was there the whole time. GOOD TIMES LOL.

Now I think about my graduation that is coming up in two weeks on May 18 (woohoo lol) and I can't help but feel sad that I won't have the same experience. A lot of my family members who I want there aren't coming anymore.

My dad said he wasn't coming from jump because my mom is going to be there. ERR Like are you serious??? He says he doesn't want to be around her and he just rather not go. Now you would think the man that paid for me to go to college for 4yrs and use to drive my friends and I back and forth for the first 2yrs would want to be there to see his daughter get her degree. NOOO!!!! Instead he wants act stupid. Like why can't you just deal with it. No one is asking for you to talk to my mom or anything, just come and support. I remember seeing the pic with my sis in the middle and my mom and dad on each side and I can't help but feel jealous because I want a pic like that as well.

Next you have my sis (same one as above) who can no longer attend my graduation because the stupid judge decided to say the paternity test is that day. Now I don't blame her or anything but I'm real upset because I'm really close with her. I skipped my graduation for my associate's degree to go to her graduation because I knew she wanted me to be there and she was getting her bachelor's. Now she can't even attend my own grad.

Then you have my oldest sister who, in my opinion, doesn't really have a valid excuse. It was all planned that she was going to drive down with my brother and yesterday my brother calls and tells me she says she's not going anymore because she has to take some test June 6 and hasn't started studying. So instead of her coming to support her sister and watch her attain her degree, she'll be home "studying". I think its a load of sh**.

Then you have my brother who was suppose to ride in the car with my other bro n sis but since they're not driving anymore, he can't go.

It's like everyone is backing out of this last minute and I can't do nothing about it. I'm still going to try and enjoy my big day but I will always feel that void because of the lack of support. Congrats to me right smh.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Back in BK

I'm back in Brooklyn for the week and I have so much to do. I have to get my hair done, mani, pedi n eyebrows, and I have to get my graduation dress.

Now this graduation dress may be a problem because I don't know what I want yet and I was looking online and couldn't really find anything. So I know this is going to be a task and my mom may get annoyed with me lol.

Let's not forget the partying, chilling with friends & booS lmao.

So you may not hear from me for the week but I will try my best to keep you guys updated. But I just need time to unwind and have some fun.

O and I got two of my final grades today: an A in Principles of Insurance and a B in International Finance Management. Now I knew I was getting that A in Insurance but I was ecstatic with the B 'cause I was struggling in that class. Now I'm waiting on my other 4 classes but I know I did good so you know I will be having a carefree week.

Just Say It From the Beginning!!!!!

So random friend hits me up today basically saying he wants to see me while I'm home. Now this friend, we'll call him ENY, is cool peoples and use to give me advice and such when I was dealing with Stuy. After Stuy and I broke up, ENY and I started talking and such. That summer we engaged in a sexual encounter lol. But then it seemed like he started acting funny. Like before we had sex, we use to talk everyday and he use to make sure he was the last person I spoke to at night before going to bed.

When the phone calls slowed and he always had an excuse for not wanting to chill I said f*** it. I'm not down for this shit and left him alone.

So he hits me up today:

ME: What's wrong with a 2 piece?

ENY: Nothing....I wanna see u wearing 1 in person

ME: That won't happen unless u go on vacay or the beach w/me

ENY: I can't see u with no clothes?

ME: Nope

ENY: why not?

ME: cuz I'm not fuckin u so y would I let u c me naked

Then he basically tells me he wants to have sex with me...or would like to

ME: We're friends

ENY: We weren't friends before?

ME: Yea but I had liked u then n I thought u did 2. But afta we had sex u was actin funny

ENY: No I wasn't actin funny. I did like you

ME: U was 2 me....made it seem like all u wanted was the sex. So I said wateva and left it at that

ENY: U deserve 2 know wasn't about the sex...I was feeling u...4real. But I had 2 much problemz...with fam, girls...everything was goin wrong and I needed time 2 just handle my shit 2 be honest. I didn't want 2 get involved knowin my head wasn't gonna be all there. I never wanted 2 disrespect u in anyway

ME: If that was the case u shoulda said it from jump n left us as friends. U shouldn't have had sex with me. But it is wat it is n its the past

Like I just don't understand men sometimes. If you feel you were going thru so much to the point where you don't want to build on anything with someone new, why not just say something from jump so that the female can know what she's getting herself into and if she even wants to be in that situation????? Well it's the past and that's where its staying. We will continue to just be FRIENDS, nothing more and nothing less!!!

I Hate Traveling Sometimes

I hate flying sometimes. I was stuck at the airport for about 4hrs because airtran wanna be cancelling and delaying flights left and right.

First off it starts off bad because I fly xfares a majority of the time because it's cheaper (sometimes anyway). So I initially wanted to catch the first flight of the day which was at 825am but of course that flight as well as the 1013am flight are booked. So the representative says come in for the 1233 flight. Now I get to the damn airport and the stupid lady says that flight is booked because one of the flights from this morning was cancelled, so the next available flight is at 249. I'm tight!!!! It was 11am meaning I would have to just sit there and wait...but of course I had no choice. Then these damn fools delay the flight to 325...then to 351. LIKE WAT DA HELL!!!!!!

I was planning on going straight to the hair salon but of course with all these delays that was a no go. I finally land at 6pm. uhghh

Airtran can't seem to function in bad weather. A little bit of drizzle will cause panic with these people. Imma need them to get their act together.

Thursday, April 30, 2009


I had 3 finals today back to back to back..ok there was an hour break between each lol. But can you say "Overwhelmed"!!!!

Ok so the first final was at 10am and it was in Security Analysis and Portfolio Management. Now this class isn't as bad as it sounds, I actually enjoy it and I'm doing pretty good (could be doing better if my bad memory syndrome didn't kick when it wants to). So I studied all night for this final and I woke up extra early this morning for this final because I want an A not a B in the class. So show time comes and she gives us the test (mind you it's only 3 of us taking it because we're the only seniors in the class) and the first page has me dumbfounded already. I go through the test and it isn't that bad. Now I get to this question and I felt that was going to be an easy 10pts right there because we just covered the material and I remember all the formulas...NOT!!! I get stumped on the first formula and without answering the first part of the question, I can't finish the other 2 parts. I'm heated at this moment. After the test, I check my notes and I felt so stupid because what I was missing in the formula was so basic and I was so mad I couldn't remember it. Don't you hate when that happens???

Second final was in International Finance. I'm already not doing too well in this class (I think only 2 people in the class are doing good...shame right) and I'm counting on this final to help me get a B at least. (Understand I hate C's people). This man hands us the test and I'm like WHAT THE F***!!!!!!!!! The test was hard as hell (pray for me). So I finish the test and as I'm walking out the door he says "See you in May". I'm like I hope that's not sarcasm!!!

Last final today was in Spanish and it wasn't too bad. Tomorrow morning I have a final in Insurance. I really don't want to take the final but I have a B avg in the class and I'm shooting for an A. All I need to do is get a 83 on the final...that shouldn't be too hard.

Now my real estate teacher decides to give us a group project as a final where we have to analyze the cost and taxes in investing in a certain property and we have to email it to him by 5pm tomorrow evening. UGHH

Well wish me luck!!!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I Need More Results

I've been doing this diet thing for quite some time now, and I have something to show for it (I lost 10lbs) but I'm still not satisfied. I actually don't really see the results (ok I'm lying sometimes I do lol).

But my main concern is my abs. I don't have the biggest stomach in the world but I would rather a flat one so that I can wear 2-piece bathing suits in the summer time and be able to sit without seeing a role lol. But most importantly, I don't want to have to suck in my stomach (which everyone does, for the most part).

Well I've been going to the gym for the past 2 months and I changed my eating habits to make sure I can see results but I feel like there's something missing. I have to admit I do cheat sometimes, but I try and stay focused. I was going to do the whole personal trainer thing but LA Fitness is just so expensive. So I work out all alone and try and do what I think will help as well as take some workout classes. I asked one of the trainers today for some suggestions to work on my abs and he gave me some pretty good workouts so I'm hoping I can see some results soon. I also have a free workout session with him Friday (bring on the pain lol).

I'm looking to lose about 25 more pounds and maybe then I'll be satisfied. Now if only I could make myself get a bigger butt lmao....

College is Over

So tomorrow (or should I say today since its 1am) is the last day of classes. Now I'm beyond excited because this has been one of the most stressful years in life. I've never had so much work to do while keeping a part time job on the side and still be able to have time for friends, family, and boys. Although I'm happy that school is pretty much over, I can't help to feel a tad bit sad. I mean this marks the end of my college life (not including finals, senior week, and graduation). This will be the last time I will be known as an undergrad; my last time taking classes for a while (not including testing to be a licensed agent lol).

I'm excited and ready to go, but I now have to worry about finals on thursday and friday. The only one I'm really worried about is International Finance because that class is no joke. I'm trying to keep my head in the books, but I have a mild case of ADD lmao. Three finals on thursday and two on friday. WISH ME LUCK PEOPLE!!!! SHAY NEEDS THAT DEGREE

Monday, April 27, 2009

Men Are Just As Sensitive

Last night I stayed on the phone with Stuy til 5am. Majority of the time we weren't even talking. My eyes were closed (I was sooo tired) and we were just holding on to the phone. He was listening to music and we would say or ask something every few minutes. Its sad though because I knew I was tired but I didn't want to get off the phone. I was comfortable with just having him on the other end.

Well we ended up getting on the topic of when I come home (next wk baby lol) and us seeing each other. He still doesn't agree with the fact that I want to meet in public grounds, away from his house. So we are talking and he makes a comment about sex and I say sometimes you make it seem like thats all you want from me. BIG MISTAKE!!! He got so upset and was like how could you say that to me. He was soo mad and was basically acting like an ass for the rest of the time we were on the phone. He said we really don't need to be dealing with eachother if I think he only wants me for sex. He doesn't lack it that much for him to feen to get it from me.

My whole thing is he took my comment the wrong way because I didn't say he only wants me for sex. I was just pointing out that sometimes the comments he makes have made me feel as though that's all he wants, but I know it isn't. It was just a way for me to let him know he needs to watch what he says to me sometimes because of how it makes me feel. So at the end of the convo I ask if he misses me (which we always ask eachother) and he says no. I'm like wow are you serious and he's like yea and I'm like you know what let's just get off the phone and he's like ok so I hang up.

Now I'm mulling all this over and I'm like I just don't understand why he got upset because to me he's misinterpreting what I was saying. So the roomie says because he actually cares for me and it hurt him for me to say all he wants me for is sex. Men are just as sensitive as females and when they really care about a female and the female says something hurtful, they really take it to heart. So I apologized!!

But I wanna know do you guys agree, are men just as sensitive as women when it comes to someone they really care for?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

You Always Need Your Own

So I live in an apartment with 3 other girls and its all good..sometimes. One of the roommates we don't even talk to so she doesn't even really count but the other 2 girls are my friends.

When I moved into this place, they was already living here from the previous year so the place already had appliances including living room tv, dishes, cups, decorations and whatever. So therefore, I didn't need to purchase anything. The only thing I did think about actually getting was my own tv for my room because I hate when I want to watch something but I can't because everyone else doesn't want to watch it and just basically competing for the tv.

Lets look at these past 2 days. Yesterday I was in the living room watching tv (Gossip Girl) when they both came home with their homeboy. At first one of them was cool with what I was watching and was basically asking me questions about it and sh**. Then the other comes in like omg do we have to watch this and I just ignored her and continued watching the tv. Gossip Girl finishes and One Tree Hill comes on. So I start watching it and they say omg do we have to watch this, we just sat here and watched your other show can we watch something else. Now I'm annoyed because the rule has always been if someone is watching tv you just sit thru and watch it because the person was there first. Then all of a sudden they want to watch the game as if we ever watch basketball. I was annoyed and said this wouldn't be happening if I had just gotten my own tv like I had planned to or if I would've brought the tv daddy got me but noooo smh.

Tonight they leave and go whereever and I'm home watching tv in the peace and quiet and I am definitely enjoying it. So College Hill comes on and thats the show I was waiting to watch and here they come talking ridiculously loud and shit and having this dumb ass discussion. Now I'm all for healthy discussions and stuff but it's just so rude when you know someone is watching television or something and here you come talking real loud making it impossible to hear. Had it been one of them, they would've been quick to be like they watching tv but they don't seem to respect that I am. ughh I so cant wait to graduate and head back up north and away from them.