Saturday, August 8, 2009

Can it get any worse??

The other day my mom called me crying saying how my dad fell and now he's dying. Not quite the call I wanted..but I didn't quite understand. So I call my brother and he tells me that the nurse or doctor left the side bars down on the bed and my dad fell off and now has internal bleeding. WHAT??? He said he didn't know the full story but he's about to head to the hospital. Unfortunately I couldn't go because I had to go to work but my sister was going also. She left work early. So my mom calls me back and asks if I'm going to the hospital and I say no I have work and she starts cursing me out. Long story short I hung up cuz she was getting me tight. But I wasn't too mad at her because I knew the reason she was so mad was because she couldn't go see my dad for herself and it was hurting her.

So that night I get home but my sis was already asleep so I didn't know what the doctor said. The next morning as soon as we wake up my sister is like take a seat cuz I have something to tell you. Now my heart is pounding like hell because I knew it was about daddy dearest. Then she goes on to tell me the news.

"Dad has a bloodclot in his lungs and his abdomen is bleeding. He had a stroke on the left side of his brain and he's lucky to not be paralyzed on the left side of his body. He also has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, which has already spread thoughout his whole body. They said they are going to go through with surgery to stop the bleeding in his abdomen because if it leaks to his head he will become a vegetable. As for the cancer, there is nothing they can do because it is too late. He has less than 6 months to live and he will be lucky if he makes it to thanksgiving. Therefore, they will release him in a couple of weeks so that he can spend his time in the comfort of his home and with family."

My heart must've dropped 5 notches with every blow and tears were just streaming down my face. How could this have happened? What do they mean they can't do anything for him? IT just wasn't making any sense to me. All I kept thinking was I can't lose my daddy, he has to be around for a lot more years. He has to be there to walk me down the aisle, to see my children.

Yesterday he told my sister he feels like giving up. He's just so tired. I went to see him and he was talking to me like normal but I don't expect him to tell me anything like that because I'm a softy and in the end I'm the closest to him. I know I don't want to see him suffer but I can't bare to lose him either. I just need God to hear me out on this and help my dad through this.


  1. Omg Sweetie...Im Soooo Sorry To Hear This. Please Stay Positive And Have Faith In God. I Just Went Through A Similar Situation With My Aunt And I Just Have To Say Spend As Much Time As You Can With Your Dad B/c Little Things Like Joking With Him, Etc. Won't Take Away From His Pains But It Will Ease His Spirits And Will Aid In Making Him Happier. Also Just Because Doctors Say Your Dad Has X,Y,Z Amount Of Time To Live Don't Pay It Any Mind Because God Works In Miraculous Ways.Your Dad And Family Will Be In My Prayers... God Won't Burden You With More Than You Can Handle.

  2. I'm so so sorry to hear this. You really have been through a lot and in such a short amount of time. You seem to be handling it well, right now. I think I'd be a bubbling mess, incapable of stringing together 3 coherent words, let alone a blog post...

  3. @ S. Jones- thanks for that. Yea I know but as the saying goes...pray for the best but be prepared for the worst and thats what I'm doing.

    @ A. Smith- I just try not to think about it and stay occupied and with all this drama its hard to stay sad all the time

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