Saturday, June 20, 2009

How Important is "Making it Official"

So I'm talking to Stuy last night and we get into the topic of people making their relationship "official". According to him, what's the point of making a relationship official if both parties are happy with the way things are going. Stuy claims that when you put a title, it makes everything more confusing and things take a turn for the worse.

Now I do understand where he is coming from because sometimes people do tend to start acting differently when a title is put on a relationship, but I still think it is needed. I mean if one really thinks about it, if there is no title on a relationship people tend to take advantage. For example, if one party does go out on dates with other people or engages in sexual activities with someone else, would it really be considered cheating? Some might say no because technically this person isn't in a relationship, they just "talk, date, or spend time" with someone. Others (including Stuy) would say yes this is cheating because if you are commited to this person, then title or not, you should not be spending time with someone else let alone having sex with them.

Then he goes on to saying that he has a problem with committment and he's happy with the way things are. He then ask me what would I do or say if he says he just wants us to stay the way we are and he won't be putting a title on us or anything. I said I would say goodbye because to me that means our relationship isn't going anywhere. I understand one shouldn't be tlaking to someone just for that title, but to me it means that the relationship is going somewhere and you have more things to look forward to as the relationship progresses.

We then get on the topic of marriage and he says that he doesn't know if he sees himself ever getting married. He rathers being in a committed relationship knowing that the girl is there for him no matter what then just getting married and having to worry about her infidelities. I just don't agree bcause if you can be in a relationship with an individual for a long period of time and you trust her with your heart and everything else, why can't you just marry the person.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Would you be okay with being with someone for more than, lets say 3yrs, and still be in the "talking or dating" stage? How important is making it official or getting married to you?


  1. Making it official is *VERY* IMPORTANT in my opinion because without the title people will assume they can do other things just because their isn't a title and by saying they don't have a gf, to others it appears they are single & can do whatever and guess what-they wont be lying so therefore they can get away with a lot

  2. I say it all depends on how long, the relationship, whether it's going somewhere, whether you WANT it to go somewhere, etc.

    I was in a year-long relationship recently and didn't give a damn about a title. Why? I felt that as long as he was dealing with only me and I was doing the some with him then why need anything else? I didn't plan on having a five-year relationship with him so to me the title was unnecessary.

    But then again, I'm like Stuy. Relationships freak me out. I'm surprised I even lasted for a year with the aforementioned person. I had to keep telling myself that it was just "dating" and "having fun" (although it was certainly more than that.)

    Great post!

  3. i think people don't put a title on relationships because they don't like how it locks them in.

    Yeah, everything is fine *now* but if one of us wakes up tomorrow and we don't want to do it the way we've been doing it, we don't have to discuss it, we don't have to think twice, because there's nothing holding us to anything.

    That works in the beginning, but I couldn't do a long-term anything without setting some parameters... that usually means a title.

  4. I don't like to waste my time and life is to short, I feel I know with in six months what my plans are toward a woman. I even tell the women I've dated that if I don't ask you about marriage with a year of us dating then I'm not.

  5. I think titles are important. I think men that say they like the way things are without a title and blah blah blah...are looking for a cop out...when times get rough, they can dip and say, "well, we were never in a real relationship." I'm sorry but I would spazz...

    If you don't think its important enough to call me your girl/wifey/wife (whatever rocks your boat), then I don't see a point to this "arrangement." Might as well be friends with benefits in my book...

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