Thursday, August 13, 2009

We are Not Family Anymore

I can't stand my father's sisters....they irk me sooooo much. As we all know my dad is in the hospital and the other day my mother went to visit him...even though he told her not to. I guess he told his sister and she decided to make my father a private patient, without telling us. By doing this, only 8 people can be put on the list to visit my dad. Here's the ridiculous part...this heffa had the nerve to put my name as well as my brother's name but leaves out my other2 sisters. UUUMMM EXCUZe me woman, are you serious right now??? So I go visit my dad n he asks for my sister but I didn't want to tell him what was going on. Then my brother n sister call me and say they're on their way. My bro gets there first then my sis calls and tells us to come downstairs cause they weren't letting her up.

So we go downstairs and the security guy tells us where to go to speak to the administration of the hospital. So of course my sis is beyond upset and we're trying to explain the situation to the people and they tell us that she would have to go speak to our father because only he can reverse this whole thing. So we head upstairs and my father's sis is still there and the lady says she has to leave, and my bro told her he was upset that her sis had the nerve to not put all my dad's kids on the list. So in the end we get my dad to reverse the whole thing and put himself back as a public patient.

Then my bro goes to the "aunt" n tells her she can come back in and she's like no she won't come in there as long as we are in there. UUM seriously??? WEll if thats the case, enjoy the hallway. Of course my dad is upset about this but I was like all this is your fault. You are the person with the most power and you choose not to use it. Now the family is broken and cannot be fixed because we don't like your sisters.

So now sh** is definitely bad but I knew this was going to happen. It is what it is and if they feel they can't be around us, then so be it. We never have to speak again for all I care. I HATE FAKE PEOPLE!!!!

The Heart n Mind

I'm in a dilemma....I don't know if I want to be with Stuy or not :(

Let me start from the beginning...

On Sunday we met up after work to go to the movies and everything was good. We was having light convo and enjoyed the movie. After the movie, we were walking to the train station and he came to the topic of what he wants in a female. He's like how he wants a girl who will be there for him, someone who will bail him outta jail if need be. Now this whole time we were joking around so when he said that I'm like ok well goodluck with that cause I don't have no bail money and we started laughing. Then I said well if I had it I probably would bail you out, I'd be there for you. Then it turned serious and he's like he wants this n that and I was just like ok. Well that wasn't the answer he was looking for and he got real upset with me and stopped talking to me. The whole train ride was silent. We reach his stop and he didn't get off so that he can take me to mine. We get off the train at my stop and he doesn't even walk me all the way up to where my 2nd train was coming. So I stand there with him, mind you he says nothing to me the whole time. About 5-10min later, he just walks away and goes back down the stairs to his train. He said absolutely nothing to, just walked away. So I went up to my train.

That night he doesn't hit me up to see if I got home safe or nothing. WE didn't speak for the next 2 days n then last night I tell him that since he walked away from me and I haven't heard from him since it means we're over so enjoy your birthday on monday and have a blessed life. Of course that leads us into talking about our problem and now the question is do we work this out or let it go.

I honestly don't know what I want to do. I feel like my mind is telling me to do one thing and my heart is telling me to do another. The way I look at it is the heart thinks emotionally which can cause problems, whereas the mind thinks logically which can be both good and bad. My heart tells me to work it out with him because I do care for him and I would miss him a whole lot if we stopped talking, but my mind says let it go because there are just too many problems and I don't think I see "us" in the long run. I just don't know what to do...

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Can it get any worse??

The other day my mom called me crying saying how my dad fell and now he's dying. Not quite the call I wanted..but I didn't quite understand. So I call my brother and he tells me that the nurse or doctor left the side bars down on the bed and my dad fell off and now has internal bleeding. WHAT??? He said he didn't know the full story but he's about to head to the hospital. Unfortunately I couldn't go because I had to go to work but my sister was going also. She left work early. So my mom calls me back and asks if I'm going to the hospital and I say no I have work and she starts cursing me out. Long story short I hung up cuz she was getting me tight. But I wasn't too mad at her because I knew the reason she was so mad was because she couldn't go see my dad for herself and it was hurting her.

So that night I get home but my sis was already asleep so I didn't know what the doctor said. The next morning as soon as we wake up my sister is like take a seat cuz I have something to tell you. Now my heart is pounding like hell because I knew it was about daddy dearest. Then she goes on to tell me the news.

"Dad has a bloodclot in his lungs and his abdomen is bleeding. He had a stroke on the left side of his brain and he's lucky to not be paralyzed on the left side of his body. He also has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, which has already spread thoughout his whole body. They said they are going to go through with surgery to stop the bleeding in his abdomen because if it leaks to his head he will become a vegetable. As for the cancer, there is nothing they can do because it is too late. He has less than 6 months to live and he will be lucky if he makes it to thanksgiving. Therefore, they will release him in a couple of weeks so that he can spend his time in the comfort of his home and with family."

My heart must've dropped 5 notches with every blow and tears were just streaming down my face. How could this have happened? What do they mean they can't do anything for him? IT just wasn't making any sense to me. All I kept thinking was I can't lose my daddy, he has to be around for a lot more years. He has to be there to walk me down the aisle, to see my children.

Yesterday he told my sister he feels like giving up. He's just so tired. I went to see him and he was talking to me like normal but I don't expect him to tell me anything like that because I'm a softy and in the end I'm the closest to him. I know I don't want to see him suffer but I can't bare to lose him either. I just need God to hear me out on this and help my dad through this.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Sorry for the delay in tweets but I was on vacation. Your girl went to Dominican Republic for a week with the girls and had a blast. Other than the fact that I am crispy as hell from being in the sun every single day for a week, I feel great. lol

We went to Punta Cana and stayed at this resort and my o my was it great. There were like 3 or 4 pool sites and a beach in the back. Along with every pool site was a bar in the pool which was amazing lol. Did I mention that drinks were free!!!!!!!!! lol Anyway I did some activities on this trip that I probably would've never done. First, I went horseback riding (and I hate animals lol). I was screaming the whole time the guy was helping me onto the horse and when it started moving I was freaking out lol. I started getting the hang of it but the thing I hated was when it would go too close to another horse and my leg would brush up on its behind or face. I mean it was shiting out of that behind and it was drooling out of its mouth yuck!!!! But I was a soldier and put up with it for a whole hour.

Next we went on a speed boat and on a yacht for a day trip. That wasn't too bad because I been on a speed boat before. We took the yacht to this other island which was ok minus all the damn little rocks in the ocean. After, we got back on the speed boat and went to the middle of some ocean and swam with a couple of starfishes (I'm a punk so I didn't touch them lol). Then we took the speed boat back to where the bus was waiting and went back home. The funniest part about this whole day trip was when my homegirl got drunk and couldn't function. She was taking crazy shots on the yacht and it caught up with her and she was finished.

Next day we went riding on dirt bikes and OMG I had a blast. My homegirl kept screaming at me to slow down but I didn't want to. I bumped into the bike ahead of me and just started laughing and then kept it moving. We rode the bikes to this cave and people were like diving in to swim inside. The water was 20ft deep and my ass doesn't know how to swim so I stayed on the rocks taking pictures lol. Then we rode the bikes to this other beach and went for a swim. While in the water i started raining and at first we was all running out of the water but then we thought bout it and was like that's pointless and went right back in. After we rode the bikes back so that we could go back to the hotel. I forgot to mention that my homegirls ran their bike into a tree which was hilarious. She was like eat my dust and they dre off.....right into the tree hahahah lol. When the man helped them out they started driving again and later drove off the road into the bushes lol. Talk about bad luck.

We ended our vacation getting full body massages and relaxing on the beach and pool. I had a great week...I wish we could've stayed longer though. But I'm back and black as ever lol