Any one that knows me knows that I am usually a shy individual who doesn't really speak much. Then once I get use to the people, I open up more and tend to act more like myself (sometimes). I am this way because I don't like to be judged, especially when I'm the one judging myself the most.
I don't really like to party because I don't want to dance half the time, unless there are some drinks in my system. When I was in HS I played the corner all the time, and don't let me find a seat lol. This is a bad thing, but its the truth. Usually when I go to a party and I don't drink, I don't have as much fun. Don't get me confused for an alcoholic though; I don't drink to get drunk. A majority of the time, the liquor doesn't have an effect on me but I act as though it does. I can count on one hand the amount of times I actually got drunk.
Last night, my housemates and I threw a house party and had a bowl of alcohol and punch. We had a mike for people to sing on and music was blasting and everyone was just having a good time. My housemates started to feel the effects within their first cup, but of course I didn't. I actually may have gotten a lil tipsy by like the 3rd or 4Th cup, but it wasn't nothing to me at all. But in all honesty I used the fact that I was drinking to my advantage and started acting carefree dancing with everyone and singing on the mike, things I would never do if I wasn't "intoxicated".
Today we are discussing last night's events and they were all like Shay you were drunk and of course I said no I wasn't. We go back and forth because they don't believe me just because of my actions from last night. I try to explain to them, yet again, that I have a high tolerance level but they swear they know me. They bring up the time we went to the club and I had 2 drinks and I was acting carefree. So then I end up telling them I use alcohol as an excuse as to why I act this way, but in actuality I know what I'm doing. I just don't care. So Shan says how bout you just loosen up.
To me that's easier said then done because as I mentioned before I care about how people judge me. I sometimes feel stupid doing things, but with drinks in my system I can blame it on the a-a-alcohol lol. I judge myself severely and therefore I think others do as well. The main reason is because I'm so tall and not the skinniest person in the world so I feel I need to pick my actions carefully. Unlike most people, I don't like to be the center of attention; I become extremely nervous.
I always wonder if I will change, but I really don't know. Most of my friends I'm use to being around all the time so I act carefree. But with my new roommates I'm meeting new people all the time so I go into shy mode. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing but I will try and see if I can work on it. But I wonder if others do the same thing as me and use alcohol as an excuse to really be themselves and strip away all the shyness.