Last night I had a complete meltdown. I think one day I am going to go completely crazy and throw a temper tantrum.
It started with watching tv in dear old mommy's room when she says she wants to take a nap before going to church. So I said okay and went into my sisters room/where I sleep/ex living room and go on my computer and watch tv with my sisters. They then leave for church leaving me with the tv and peace and quiet. Now last night there were 3 good things on tv at the same time, documentary on Nicki Minaj, Soul Train Awards, and Real Housewives of Atlanta. So I'm flipping back and forth trying to watch all three shows when everyone returns from church. When they walk in, I am watching Nicki Minaj and my older sister is saying change it because she doesn't want to watch it and all this nonsense and even though I informed her the show would be over in 15min she kept carrying on. So I said take your stupid ass remote control and I went upstairs. Then my mom wants to put in her 2 cents as if I'm not already annoyed so I bark on her. Then I cursed. Now this may not be a big thing, but I never curse in front my holy mother (unless I'm joking or reciting a story).
I finish watching my shows and then I decide to go to bed. Now everything hits me, this isn't suppose to be how my life is right now. I graduated with honors from school, yet I still don't have a permanent job. My dad told me he would be there to help me out when he got out the hospital, but he left me. This is when the tears started falling and I couldn't quite get it to stop. I blamed God for taking away the only man that seemed to love me and wanted to help me in any way possible. He promised everything was going to be okay, but instead everything got worse. My other sis tried to console me, as well as my bff but in the end no one can ever help. This pain will never go away. The fact that I'm still living at home without a room and living in bins and sharing closets isn't helping either. I just wanna know when it will be my turn to just be happy again??!!!
I feel you.
ReplyDeleteThings will change when your life moves forward and not before. So many people are disgusted and frustrated and they don't know why. At least you recognize what the real problems are, you're already halfway there.
In time things will change and the world will be your oyster. When it does change, look back to this time and take a full inventory of what life was before so you can truly appreciate what you move on to.