Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What Does the Future Hold??

During my brief time in the Bahamas and on the plane rides to and from I thought about my life a lot, more so my love life. Even though being in a relationship isn't one of my main concerns at this moment, I often think about when I will be in a real relationship.

One night during dinner, my friends were talking about their recent ex's and how they dealt with trying to get over these men, their feelings and what's going on now pertaining to their status and I just sat there real quiet. I didn't have any input to add to the conversation because I was never in their positions, and I can't help but think why? I mean I'm an attractive girl and I have many good qualities, yet I always seem to be single. I talk to guys here and there and I recently did just break up with my "boyfriend" but it just doesn't seem to be the same to me. I don't think I've ever been in love honestly. I mean there was this guy back in college and I had real deep feelings for him, I still do actually, n I do love him but I really don't know if I was (am) in love with him. Then this recent ex I know I wasn't in love with him. I just want to experience the real love. I want to have a man in my life to share my joys and pain with, someone I can just open up to and do things with and introduce to my family and meet his family and actually work on building a future together.

I often say I don't believe in forever because of all the failed marriages that I know about and especially my parents marriage, but truth is I want that forever love. I keep asking if God will send a man my way for me to have this connection with, and I honestly don't know if it will happen. Most people will say that I'm still young and I shouldn't be worrying about that, but I want it soon. I want to just start my life (career, marriage, kids). But the real question is, is this ever going to happen for me, and if so, WHEN??? I'm always in a daze just thinking about it and it makes me feel incomplete.....

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