Like any other night I'm on the phone with Stuy talking about my birthday, which is coming up, and the dress I'm ordering for the party. Then out of nowhere he says that things haven't been working out between us and he feels its because there are other people in both of our lives because he knows there is someone else in his life. Due to this other person being in his life, he hasn't been giving our relationship 100% of his time. Now at this point I am in shock because I totally wasn't expecting it, nor was I expecting him to tell me that he was talking to someone else.
So then he goes on to say that we need to put everything out there because there are some things that he has lied about and he's sure there are things that I need to let out as well. He then asks me if I have been with anyone else and I ask if he's referring to while we were an item or when we are broken up. He replies any time and I say yes I have been but it was while we wasn't together and the guy is someone from my past. I know he's hurt by my confession but in the end I really didn't cheat on him. It happened after he broke up with me. He then goes on to tell me about the "other girl".
She is a friend of his!. They met 4yrs ago when he first started school in Connecticut (she lives (lived) out there) and they have just been friends. 2yrs ago she moved to North Carolina but they remained friends. Then 2-3 months ago, they started speaking as more then friends and when she would come to NY to visit, he would chill with her. Every time there is a problem between me and him, he would just talk to her instead of dealing with the situation or just coming to me to voice his concerns. She will soon be moving back to Connecticut and he really cares for her and he LOVES her.
Now my mouth his wide open and I am in shock. I couldn't believe this. I mean I had a feeling he may have still been talking to someone else but I didn't think it would be to that extent. He claims he hasn't had sex with shorty, they just hang out or talk on the phone.
This may sound crazy but I honestly was mad and hurt that it wasn't just a girl he was fucking. The reason for this is because when you meet someone and the relationship is based on sex, you can let that go if you return to your shorty or whatever. But when you build an emotional connection with someone, you are in deep. You don't want to just drop the person and you feel safe with them. He goes on to ask if I am willing to work things out with him or if what he has confessed to me is too much and all this other nonsense.
MY FEELINGS ON THE SITUATION:
I don't think I can work things out with him. He has built an emotional connection with some next girl and he deeply cares for her and loves her. The whole time he was telling me about her and comparing me to her he kept saying this, but all he was saying about me was that he cared for me. Now I feel like that's some what I sign that he doesn't love me anymore (even though he really didn't come right out and say it). Now the main reason I don't think I can "work things out" is because this girl isn't going anywhere, she's always going to remain in his life. The reason for this is because technically THEY ARE FRIENDS!!! They were friends from jump so I know he's not about to cut a friend (he cherishes) out of his life for me just because I'm not comfortable with the situation. He has also admitted that she is always going to be in his life as well and that doesn't sit too well with me because how do I know that every time we are going through problems he isn't running to her or when he tells me he has to work on days he's usually off he's not chilling with her. Stuy says its all a matter of trust but if you've been lying to me all this time about this girl, how am I suppose to trust that you aren't going to lie to me now about the role she plays in your life. Then I thought about it and I realized he said he been talking to her for about 3 months now which means this so called "relationship" started in October. Now in October we was a couple. He broke up with me when I was in MIA for about 3 days for a stupid ass reason and we got back together when I came back to Brooklyn. He admitted that he had started talking to someone but she was no longer in his life because he "loved me so much". Then at the end of October/early November, he broke up with me because my male best friend came into town and I told him I was going to hang out with him and he wasn't trying to hear that. So now I question when did his relationship with this girl start? I just don't know if I can deal with all of that. I want to be in a happy relationship and I feel like there is always something keeping that from happening when it comes to Stuy. I think its time I really moved on, and leave him in my past.
I'm just furious he waited until a week before my birthday to tell me that. A week before a special day I wanted to spend with him. I kept having a gut feeling that I would be sad for my birthday and that it would be because of him, but I kept hoping I would be wrong. But I guess you should always trust that gut feeling. :-(
Does anyone feel I am overreacting? Should I just respect the fact that he told me and work things out with him or is it best I just cut my losses and find someone else? What are your thoughts on this situation??