New Years Resolutions

Every year around this time everyone conjures up a list of things they would like to accomplish in the new year. I, myself, have done this but it seems as though I never do accomplish these things. I do have goals that I am setting for myself for the year 2011 that I am going to try my hardest to follow and stay focused to accomplish. This is my list:

1. Lose 20-30lbs

2. Get a permanent job with benefits

3. Start paying off my student loans

4. Find a man

Well #4 isn't really realistic because it's more of what I would like to happen that is way beyond my control, but it would be nice if it came true.

On another note, I will most likely be bringing in the new year with my girls drinking and laughing and eating some good food. I hope everyone has a safe night and bring in the new year right!!

What are your new years resolutions???

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!

At 12am I reached for my phone to be the 1st to call my dad and wish him a happy birthday. Every year my siblings and I compete to see who would be the 1st and every year I would beat them. I start typing in the letters D-A...and there's no matches. It then clicks to me that you are no longer here with me. You are now stored under my brother's name since he now has your phone.

Today would've made you 58years old but you would still look like you were in your 40s and would still be acting like you were in your early 30s. I miss the jokes you use to tell and the childish games you played just to get a good laugh. I miss seeing you smile and seeing your taxi cab pull up outside at the end of the day. I miss being able to call you just to see how your day is going or letting you know about something that just happened to me. I miss talking to you and spending time just watching movies.

The other day I felt like I wasted time not being around you when you were here with me. I went away to school and only got to see you every other month if I was lucky, but luckily I made sure I spoke to you everyday. When I did come home, I spent a lot of time hanging out with friends. Now I wish I would've spent more time with you. I think about the fact that I rarely came to the hospital to visit you because of my work schedule. Those were moments I wont ever get back. I remember my last night seeing you. We all came to visit that saturday and spent the day in your hospital room making jokes. It was nice to see you smile. I promised I would come to see you Monday because Sunday I had to work. I would've never thought that would've been the last time I would get to see you smile or get to hold your hand or tell you that I love you.

I'm glad you aren't suffering anymore, but now I am. I miss you dearly and I'm so very sad I can't celebrate this day with you. I hope you are in heaven enjoying your birthday daddy. I love you so much and I hope you are looking down on me and smiling at the young lady you raised. Happy 58th birthday!!!!

Butt Touching

A friend of mine asked an interesting question on twitter to the guys "Would yall be okay with a female touching your butt?"

Now at first glance, this seems like a simple question because females do have the tendency to grab a males behind and its no big deal but then we went in depth with the question. Would males be comfortable if the girl grabbed the butt during sexual activity? This one guy replied that he would not be comfortable with it and this isn't the first time I heard that response.

I had an ex who refused to let me anywhere near his behind. If I was just playing around and grabbed his behind he would jump away from me or grab my hand and tell me to stop. I use to always find this funny, but I never quite understood what the big deal was. Now, I would definitely understand if I was headed to his a** crack (which I would NEVER YUCKK!!!) but I wasn't. But on the other hand, you have men who like when women grab their behind or even "toss their salad". So this leads me to asking:

Men- Would you allow a female to grab your butt? If you say no, why not? Females- Have you ever been in the situation where the man wouldn't allow you near his buttocks? Would you ever "toss a salad"??

The "Good Girl"

Today I had an interesting conversation with a male friend of mine, lets call him RC. He had his bbm status as "Every chick says their a "good girl" with the bbm sarcastic face. This led us to discussing this good girl notion.

I made the comment that I am a good girl and he automatically jumped to the question "Was every man that I had sex with my man?" So I replied that if the answer was yes, that wouldn't make me a good girl nor a bad girl. He then went on to state that when girls say they are a "good girl" they are trying to say that all the guys they have slept with have been their bf at a point in time. I disagree with this interpretation. I think this can be analyzed differently. I think when a female makes that statement, she can be saying that she sleeps with one man at a time. In other words, if she is sexually active with you, she will not engage in sexual activity with anyone else.

This led us into discussing why do females feel the need to let it be known that they are a "good girl" in the first place. I think females make this statement for different reasons. One reason could be that they are trying to believe this "lie" because deep down they know they are far from a good girl. Another reason could be because she just doesn't want the man to judge her. Many of us are freaky in the bedroom and may have a way with words, but this can cause certain men to label and judge us. For example, if 2 individuals are having sex for the 1st time and the girl goes down on him and does crazy positions or whatever, the man is going to love it but he may also be wondering who else she has done this for and so on. I, personally, will not go down on a man the first few times we engage in sexual activity because I don't do it to everyone and if I do want to do it to him, I don't want to be judged. There are just a lot of close minded and ignorant people out there that as females, we can't help but be cautious on things we do.

What are your thoughts? Do you associate the "good girl" name with how many partners a girl has had?

Meltdown

Last night I had a complete meltdown. I think one day I am going to go completely crazy and throw a temper tantrum.

It started with watching tv in dear old mommy's room when she says she wants to take a nap before going to church. So I said okay and went into my sisters room/where I sleep/ex living room and go on my computer and watch tv with my sisters. They then leave for church leaving me with the tv and peace and quiet. Now last night there were 3 good things on tv at the same time, documentary on Nicki Minaj, Soul Train Awards, and Real Housewives of Atlanta. So I'm flipping back and forth trying to watch all three shows when everyone returns from church. When they walk in, I am watching Nicki Minaj and my older sister is saying change it because she doesn't want to watch it and all this nonsense and even though I informed her the show would be over in 15min she kept carrying on. So I said take your stupid ass remote control and I went upstairs. Then my mom wants to put in her 2 cents as if I'm not already annoyed so I bark on her. Then I cursed. Now this may not be a big thing, but I never curse in front my holy mother (unless I'm joking or reciting a story).

I finish watching my shows and then I decide to go to bed. Now everything hits me, this isn't suppose to be how my life is right now. I graduated with honors from school, yet I still don't have a permanent job. My dad told me he would be there to help me out when he got out the hospital, but he left me. This is when the tears started falling and I couldn't quite get it to stop. I blamed God for taking away the only man that seemed to love me and wanted to help me in any way possible. He promised everything was going to be okay, but instead everything got worse. My other sis tried to console me, as well as my bff but in the end no one can ever help. This pain will never go away. The fact that I'm still living at home without a room and living in bins and sharing closets isn't helping either. I just wanna know when it will be my turn to just be happy again??!!!

Twitter Fronting

Now one thing that I HATE the most is when people front for twitter. They pretend to be someone they really aren't to impress people on the internet, but they forget that some of us know them off the internet.

Now the guy from "Disaster Date" is a perfect example. During our dates we had many discussions on dating and money and he let it be known he was cheap and that he wouldn't take a date or his gf to a fancy restaurant because he doesn't want to have to change himself. So of all the days his mute expired, it happened the day he decides to post on twitter that he will take his gf to certain restaurants and wouldn't mind spending money on them to make her happy. Whoaaaa but that's not what you told me. So I commented and he had the nerve to tell me not to butt in. Excuse me sir but if you didn't notice, this is twitter so I will butt in if I want. So I decided to unfollow him after that day.

So the other day my bff (which he doesn't know from a hole in the wall) decided to unfollow him and his thirsty ass questioned her about it and she replied that her bestie (me) put her on to him. This man BLEW UP!!! He goes to say "wow she made you unfollow me because I curved her"..."she's just mad cuz I didn't want to mess with her like that and she's a lame and wack and so are you". Now I replied "you definitely didn't curve me and your mad wack for fronting for twitter". He has the nerve to say I'm ugly and I need tyra number for a makeover but he forgets I have all his messages saying how pretty I am and how he doesn't want to put himself out there if I don't want to talk to him like that.

He kept going on and on but I politely told him he's wack and I don't have time to argue via twitter so he can beat it and keep fronting for twitter. Now I'll tell you this, if I see him and he decides to continue, I'm airing his whole business out. People take my kindness for weakness and I need to shut him down :)

Disaster Date

The other night I went on a "date" with a friend. Now let me be clear that me and this guy are/were just friends. I wasn't in no shape or form attracted to him (but I can't say the same about him).

We flirted here and there on twitter and he let it be known numerously that he found me attractive and wanted to know if I had feelings for him. I told him I am just a flirt and just see him as a friend. He wanted to go see Saw 3D and I said I would go and that would be our date.

The night came and he came and picked me up and we drove to the theaters. In the car we made small talk and got into a mini argument on our views about dating and relationships. (He's very very close minded). We get to the theater and he gives me $40 to get the tickets as he goes to find parking. He makes it to me just as I am about to purchase the tickets and when he sees that the tickets are $16.50 a piece, he goes crazy but still purchases them. The lady gives me back $7 and I hand it to him since it is his money and he looks at me like I'm crazy saying its only 7 bucks so I'm like fine give it back to me and he says no and puts it in his pocket. (So you're saying that's chump change but your quick to stuff it in your pocket hmmm).

After the movie I say lets go for drinks since its still early and he says ok so I let him know there's an Applebees a few blocks down and we drive there. We get to the bar and I order a drink and he gets one. Now I see he post on twitter that he finally took me out and paid (wtf!!). Then we both order appetizers and just make conversation. He proceeds to tell me that he is a cheap guy and he will spend money on things and later regret it. Then we get into multiple arguments about different things. (I guess I should tell yall that I am very strong minded and always have a point to make). By this time I'm annoyed with him. Now I'm done with my drink and I order another. The look that I get from this man was crazy but I paid him no mind. So he makes a comment about if he was to go sit somewhere else, what would I do with the check. I said I would tell them to bill it to him. He says no you won't so I make it clear that if he doesn't want to pay I will pay for myself. Stop treating me like I'm broke. Anyway, the check comes and its $48 and do you know this man had the nerve to complain. I couldn't believe it.

On our way back to my house, we get into yet another argument and I shut him down and get out of the car. I couldn't believe he was acting this way and I chose to mute him on twitter and we haven't really spoken since. But boy did he have pent up anger......