It's been so long since I have actually come onto my blog I don't know where to start. I miss writing and sharing what has been going on in my life, but I have been so busy that I haven't found the time.
Luckily, I have some time right now!
First thing first, I finally got a steady job!!! Now anyone who has been keeping up with my blogs knows that I have been doing temp jobs since I graduated from college and I've been very depressed because of the fact. I finally got my break when I was sent on a wk assignment doing payroll and accounting and the managers loved my work and decided to keep me permanently. It has been 7 months now and I can honestly say I like my job. Now this isn't where I want to stay in the long haul but it is a great experience and I am doing something that is in the field that I received my degree so I am truly greatful.
Now the downfall of life right now happened a few wks ago when celebrating my 25th bday. I was so excited for this event I went all out and got a vip section at a club and did bottle service with my friends and paid for our traveling to the club so we could all get drunk. Well that's exactly what we did, DRINK! Of course I had the most to drink (thanks to my friends pouring bottles down my mouth n such) and the night didn't end too well. As we were leaving the club and crossing the street, my drunk ass tripped over a pot hole and fell....on my face! SMFH My friends rushed me to the ER and I had chipped one tooth and broken another in half, bit my tongue so hard, scraped my knee and busted my chin. That definitely ruined my bday wknd. This has led to numerous trips to the ER and dentist trying to get myself fixed. I am still in the process and hopefully I can be good as new again.
I'll tell you this much, I will never drink so much again. I'm giving myself a 3-4 drink minimum and I am staying away from shots lol
I will try to blog some more on my thoughts and what's going on in my life, but I can't promise anything.
*Shay* signing out!
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Monday, March 7, 2011
Smiling with Sadness
This morning on my way to the train station, my best friend's mother told me that I always look so sad and its understandable but not to worry because everything will fall into place in my life. I just smiled and said thank you and went to catch my train.
On my train ride into work, I started to think about my life and of course I teared. I mean NEVER did I think my life would be the way it is right now. I won't complain too much because there are a lot of people out there who are going through much WORSE than me, but I still can't help but feel sad. I think about losing my father way before I expected, not being in school working on my masters, not having a real steady job in finance or accounting, not being able to live at home, etc etc. They say that God doesn't put you through things if he knows that you can't overcome them, but I wonder when will I be able to overcome these boulders in my road to success and happiness.
I try to keep a smile on my face, despite how I feel on the inside because I am tired of complaining. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me and I am especially tired of feeling sorry for myself. My best friend says its totally understandable for me to be sad because I have been through a lot and even though that may be true, I hate being sad. I was always the happy one growing up and even if I came across problems in my life, I would always find a solution on my own or with the help of my dad. Now that he's gone I sometimes feel all alone. My mom is still here but everytime I speak to her I hear and feel the sadness in her voice that she can't do more for us and herself.
I have very big dreams and goals that I would like to accomplish and I just hope that things will get better very soon for me so that when I am smiling, there is nothing but happiness behind it.
On my train ride into work, I started to think about my life and of course I teared. I mean NEVER did I think my life would be the way it is right now. I won't complain too much because there are a lot of people out there who are going through much WORSE than me, but I still can't help but feel sad. I think about losing my father way before I expected, not being in school working on my masters, not having a real steady job in finance or accounting, not being able to live at home, etc etc. They say that God doesn't put you through things if he knows that you can't overcome them, but I wonder when will I be able to overcome these boulders in my road to success and happiness.
I try to keep a smile on my face, despite how I feel on the inside because I am tired of complaining. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me and I am especially tired of feeling sorry for myself. My best friend says its totally understandable for me to be sad because I have been through a lot and even though that may be true, I hate being sad. I was always the happy one growing up and even if I came across problems in my life, I would always find a solution on my own or with the help of my dad. Now that he's gone I sometimes feel all alone. My mom is still here but everytime I speak to her I hear and feel the sadness in her voice that she can't do more for us and herself.
I have very big dreams and goals that I would like to accomplish and I just hope that things will get better very soon for me so that when I am smiling, there is nothing but happiness behind it.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Scared/Happy/Excited...
Yesterday it dawned on me that I will be graduating from COLLEGE in about a month.!!!! Now of course I'm excited because I'm getting my degree, but I am also scared as hell.
Most may ask what am I so scared about: THE REAL WORLD!!! I mean I have been in school all of my life and I am about to be finished and I have to get a full time job and start paying bills and loans and such. I think what scares me the most is the fact that I don't really have any definite plans after graduation. I mean I want to get a job, get a place, get a car; basically all the norms that everyone wants. But its easier said then done.
I sometimes feel like a failure when I speak to my schoolmates and they tell me they got the job that WE interviewed for, while I didn't. I mean I don't have anything real lined up for when I graduate. I am still interviewing but I'm scared that I won't find something before leaving this institution.
Besides the whole job thing, my living arrangements has me feeling some type of way as well. I mean if I am moving back to NY, I can always go live with one of my sisters (cause living with my mother or father is not an option in my book lol), but in all honesty I DON'T WANT TO!!!! One of my sisters has a baby and she lives in a studio apartment. That's good and all for her and the baby, but where do I fit in. Sleeping on the same bed as her, living out of my suitcase, never having any privacy. I DO NOT...I repeat I DO NOT want to be living like that. Then there's the other sister who has a better living arrangement, but in the end there would still be no privacy and I may still have to live out of my suitcase. It's like no matter where I go in NY I will be living out of my suitcase feeling like a VISITOR and who really wants to feel like that. The only solution is to get my own place but we all know how expensive it is to live on your own in NY and I know for a fact I'm not ready for that yet (unless my parents are paying, then I'm all for it lol).
But if I were to move to another state for a job, then I would be getting my own apartment because I'd be on my own. The only thing with that is it would most likely be cheaper then a NY apartment. However I WANT TO COME BACK TO NY. I'm tired of being away from home and missing out on events and sh*t. Even if eventually I do have to leave, I'll be ready (hopefully). ughhh this is just too much.
But first thing first, I need to secure a job ASAP!!! That's my main concern. I'm actually willing to move to another state because I don't want to make the same mistake I made earlier this year by letting a job slip right out of my hands. Pray for me!!!!
Most may ask what am I so scared about: THE REAL WORLD!!! I mean I have been in school all of my life and I am about to be finished and I have to get a full time job and start paying bills and loans and such. I think what scares me the most is the fact that I don't really have any definite plans after graduation. I mean I want to get a job, get a place, get a car; basically all the norms that everyone wants. But its easier said then done.
I sometimes feel like a failure when I speak to my schoolmates and they tell me they got the job that WE interviewed for, while I didn't. I mean I don't have anything real lined up for when I graduate. I am still interviewing but I'm scared that I won't find something before leaving this institution.
Besides the whole job thing, my living arrangements has me feeling some type of way as well. I mean if I am moving back to NY, I can always go live with one of my sisters (cause living with my mother or father is not an option in my book lol), but in all honesty I DON'T WANT TO!!!! One of my sisters has a baby and she lives in a studio apartment. That's good and all for her and the baby, but where do I fit in. Sleeping on the same bed as her, living out of my suitcase, never having any privacy. I DO NOT...I repeat I DO NOT want to be living like that. Then there's the other sister who has a better living arrangement, but in the end there would still be no privacy and I may still have to live out of my suitcase. It's like no matter where I go in NY I will be living out of my suitcase feeling like a VISITOR and who really wants to feel like that. The only solution is to get my own place but we all know how expensive it is to live on your own in NY and I know for a fact I'm not ready for that yet (unless my parents are paying, then I'm all for it lol).
But if I were to move to another state for a job, then I would be getting my own apartment because I'd be on my own. The only thing with that is it would most likely be cheaper then a NY apartment. However I WANT TO COME BACK TO NY. I'm tired of being away from home and missing out on events and sh*t. Even if eventually I do have to leave, I'll be ready (hopefully). ughhh this is just too much.
But first thing first, I need to secure a job ASAP!!! That's my main concern. I'm actually willing to move to another state because I don't want to make the same mistake I made earlier this year by letting a job slip right out of my hands. Pray for me!!!!
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