So I wake up the other day and the first text I see is from Stuy and he's saying how he wants to have a threesome. Wait is he serious?? So I'm like where did this come from and he's like my brain so I'm like well take it out and he says it won't come out until it comes out. So I say it's not going to happen and he's like well we'll talk about this later and I'm like there's nothing to talk about and he says yes there is and I say well you'll just be wasting your breath. Luckilly he didn't bring it up again.
So I'm wondering does he not realize how complicated it is to have a threesome. I mean you have to decide if you're going to have it with another guy or girl and then how are you going to go about choosing this person. I remember someone saying that it leads to problems in the way of how you choose the person because if he chooses some female you'll wonder if they ever had relations or if he's been fantasizing about having relations with this girl and the same thing applies to the girl choosing the 3rd party.
I also know it may break a relationship because what if feelings beaome involved? What if the female or male decides to keep having relations with the 3rd party, thus bringnig more complications to the relationship, which may end in the couple breaking up.
I remember reading this book where this married couple decided to have a threesome and they brought another female in. Everything went well but the female caught feelings for the wife and they began doing their own thing o the side behind the husband's back. They had relations for a while and thenthe husband foud out and the wife decided to end the relationship she had with this other lady and things took a turn for the worse.
I know its more complicated when its a married couple, but I still don't think I could have a threesome with my significant other and someone else. I was talking to a friend about it and she said that it would be easier to be the 3rd party in someone else relationship then to be the one bringing in a 3rd party into your relationship. I think that's true on a lot of levels but in the end it all can lead to disaster.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
It Just Isn't the Same
Last night I made plans with Harlem for us to chill and I stay the night since we were both off today. So after work I take the train there and we chill and talk for a bit when I get there. He then goes into the shower, since he just came from the gym, and I take one after a long day at work. We watch cartoons until we fall asleep. Well he fell asleep, I continued watching.
I didn't really get a good nights rest because he was basically holding me, kind of cuddling I guess, and that was all cool because it does make me feel special, but its not something I like for the whole night. The only reason is because it makes it difficult to get a good nights rest. Every position I changed to made me fee so uncomfortable and I also didn't want to hurt his hand because it was basically underneath me. The television was also pretty loud so I kept waking up like every 20-30min.
Anyway, I wake up and I'm just laying there watching tv while he's still holding me while sleeping. Then we start messing around and blah blah blah lol. Now I already felt some type of way because the whole time he never kissed me. Now at first I'm like maybe its because we just woke up and there's the whole morning breath thing and he just felt it be best if we didn't kiss. After he comes back to the bed and we are just watching tv and talking, but he's kind of like on the other side of the bed at the edge and there's this big gap between us. Now all I'm thinking is what the hell. Usually he has his head on my chest, basically using my breast as a pillow or he has me laying on him. Either way he always made sure that we were in eachother's arms but today this wasn't the case.
So I didn't want it to be that I'm overreacting so I hit up the besty an I'm expaining this to her and she's like say something to him. So I ask him why is he so far away from me, do we have beef or something. His response "Well whenever I'm laying on my right side I like to be at the edge of the bed. It just feels more comfortable. I even do that when I'm here by myself."
Now I'm like that's a load of crap because this isn'the first time I've slept over let alone chill with him in his room. So I'm telling the best how things just feel different between me and Harlem and how he hasn't kissed me the whole time I've been with him. So she says either he has a girl or he just doesn't want to get too attached. So I say to him why does it feel like things are different and he's like with what and I'm like between us and he's like in what way. So I say I don't know but it just seems different and he goes we'll talk about this when I get out the shower and walks out the room. We never spoke about this again smh.
The ride home today was completely silent and I fell asleep. When we get back to brooklyn I wake up and we make small talk about things we hear on the radio and such. We get in front of my house and as I'm getting out the car, he gets out also. Then he comes around and gives me a hug and says I'll hit you up later and tell your sister I said hi, if she remembers me. So I just say ok and yea she does remember you and I go inside. I DIDN'T EVEN GET A GOODBYE KISS!!!!
Am I overreacting?? Should I not feel some type of way about not getting a kiss the whole time, about the way he was acting at his house? I didn't even mention that when we were leaving his crib it was pouring rain and I had my umbrella, purse and over night bag and he had nothing in his hand and he didn't even offer to hold my bag. IDK Maybe I'm just reading into things too much.
Last but not least, we didn't eat anything and he didn't even ask me f I wanted some food but I go on twitter and his status says he's at ihop waiting on his food and how he's starving. I think it's time I call it quits with Harlem!
I didn't really get a good nights rest because he was basically holding me, kind of cuddling I guess, and that was all cool because it does make me feel special, but its not something I like for the whole night. The only reason is because it makes it difficult to get a good nights rest. Every position I changed to made me fee so uncomfortable and I also didn't want to hurt his hand because it was basically underneath me. The television was also pretty loud so I kept waking up like every 20-30min.
Anyway, I wake up and I'm just laying there watching tv while he's still holding me while sleeping. Then we start messing around and blah blah blah lol. Now I already felt some type of way because the whole time he never kissed me. Now at first I'm like maybe its because we just woke up and there's the whole morning breath thing and he just felt it be best if we didn't kiss. After he comes back to the bed and we are just watching tv and talking, but he's kind of like on the other side of the bed at the edge and there's this big gap between us. Now all I'm thinking is what the hell. Usually he has his head on my chest, basically using my breast as a pillow or he has me laying on him. Either way he always made sure that we were in eachother's arms but today this wasn't the case.
So I didn't want it to be that I'm overreacting so I hit up the besty an I'm expaining this to her and she's like say something to him. So I ask him why is he so far away from me, do we have beef or something. His response "Well whenever I'm laying on my right side I like to be at the edge of the bed. It just feels more comfortable. I even do that when I'm here by myself."
Now I'm like that's a load of crap because this isn'the first time I've slept over let alone chill with him in his room. So I'm telling the best how things just feel different between me and Harlem and how he hasn't kissed me the whole time I've been with him. So she says either he has a girl or he just doesn't want to get too attached. So I say to him why does it feel like things are different and he's like with what and I'm like between us and he's like in what way. So I say I don't know but it just seems different and he goes we'll talk about this when I get out the shower and walks out the room. We never spoke about this again smh.
The ride home today was completely silent and I fell asleep. When we get back to brooklyn I wake up and we make small talk about things we hear on the radio and such. We get in front of my house and as I'm getting out the car, he gets out also. Then he comes around and gives me a hug and says I'll hit you up later and tell your sister I said hi, if she remembers me. So I just say ok and yea she does remember you and I go inside. I DIDN'T EVEN GET A GOODBYE KISS!!!!
Am I overreacting?? Should I not feel some type of way about not getting a kiss the whole time, about the way he was acting at his house? I didn't even mention that when we were leaving his crib it was pouring rain and I had my umbrella, purse and over night bag and he had nothing in his hand and he didn't even offer to hold my bag. IDK Maybe I'm just reading into things too much.
Last but not least, we didn't eat anything and he didn't even ask me f I wanted some food but I go on twitter and his status says he's at ihop waiting on his food and how he's starving. I think it's time I call it quits with Harlem!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
My laptop is Dying
I had my gateway laptop when I started my college career. That was the first thing my daddy bought me when I was going away to school and boy has it been a blessing. But it seems that now that my college years are over, so is my laptop life "sad face".
It was working perfectly fine yesterday before I left the house and when I come home it was a dark screen so I just thought if I restart it, it would be fine. NOPEE!!!!! It would turn off and then restart over and over again...all on its own. IT kind of seemed like it was possessed. But now I'm freaking out because I don't know how to fix it (I know..just take it to a computer store and have them look at it) but I don't know if that will help.
I turned it off an hr ago and when I turned it back on it said that there was something wrong with windows or something of that nature and I went to put it on safe mode, but lie an idiot I restarted it and now its doing the same thing again.
I been wanting to get a new laptop (preferably a macbook) but the funds aint there for that right now. I guess I gotta start collecting my graduation funds from those who haven't dished out. Hopefully my gateway feels better because I don't want to say goodbye yet :(
It was working perfectly fine yesterday before I left the house and when I come home it was a dark screen so I just thought if I restart it, it would be fine. NOPEE!!!!! It would turn off and then restart over and over again...all on its own. IT kind of seemed like it was possessed. But now I'm freaking out because I don't know how to fix it (I know..just take it to a computer store and have them look at it) but I don't know if that will help.
I turned it off an hr ago and when I turned it back on it said that there was something wrong with windows or something of that nature and I went to put it on safe mode, but lie an idiot I restarted it and now its doing the same thing again.
I been wanting to get a new laptop (preferably a macbook) but the funds aint there for that right now. I guess I gotta start collecting my graduation funds from those who haven't dished out. Hopefully my gateway feels better because I don't want to say goodbye yet :(
Sunday, June 7, 2009
No Crying on the Boatride
Last night I went on a boatride for Ash birthday. We all looked real nice and the boat was nice also. It had 3 floors and a buffet and like 3-4 bars.
I got on the boat and was taking professional pictures and then I wanted to take pics on my own camera. This couldn't happen because I forgot my camera in the car. I was pissed and sad because I always have to have pics (yea I know I'm dramatic).
We all chilling on the 3rd floor of the boat and it was cool. Music was nice and we was taking pics and dancing and stuff. So then we all sat down and I took a look around at the people I came with. Ash was with her bf, my sis was with hers, and a couple of my other homegirls were. Then this feeling just hit me and I became sad. Neqs asked me if I was ok and I'm like yea I'm fine...and then I felt my eyes water up. I decided to just look up to make them go away before anyone sees and then Ash taps me and asks if I was ok. I look at her and say yes (bad move). She saw my eyes glistening and was like n your not and then the tears fell. I tried to wipe them away but she kept asking what's wrong and I'm like I'm fine. So she tells her bf and they both are trying to cheer me up. So he's like you need a drink and I'm like no I'm good and he's like I'll get you juice or alcohol, you choose and I'm like nah I'm good. So Ash is like no get her a drink. So he's like I'm going down there to get something, come with me and I'm like no I don't want to walk through these people with tears in my eyes and of course Ash pushes me to go with him.
We get to the bar and he's talking to me about alcohol and how I'm no match for him and I really appreciated it because it cheered me up. It was also real cool because sometimes I don't know if he likes me or not and I'm always telling Ash that.
So I know everyone is wondering why I was crying and the reason is because I felt lonely all over again. I mean I was with all my friends and we were having a good time but I just wanted what they had for a sec. I wanted to have a bf and be there with him and dance with him and just have a nice time and take pics with him. I think it really hit me because I never had that in my life and I am 22years old. I know that was the wrong time to be thinking about that but I couldn't help it due to my surroundings.
After the boatride I was telling Stuy and he was like damn babe I wish you told me it was a couple thing and he felt bad. But then we get on the topic that we aren't official and he's like I don't be acting as if I even want to be official with him. Truth be told I really don't know if I want it...with him that is....
I got on the boat and was taking professional pictures and then I wanted to take pics on my own camera. This couldn't happen because I forgot my camera in the car. I was pissed and sad because I always have to have pics (yea I know I'm dramatic).
We all chilling on the 3rd floor of the boat and it was cool. Music was nice and we was taking pics and dancing and stuff. So then we all sat down and I took a look around at the people I came with. Ash was with her bf, my sis was with hers, and a couple of my other homegirls were. Then this feeling just hit me and I became sad. Neqs asked me if I was ok and I'm like yea I'm fine...and then I felt my eyes water up. I decided to just look up to make them go away before anyone sees and then Ash taps me and asks if I was ok. I look at her and say yes (bad move). She saw my eyes glistening and was like n your not and then the tears fell. I tried to wipe them away but she kept asking what's wrong and I'm like I'm fine. So she tells her bf and they both are trying to cheer me up. So he's like you need a drink and I'm like no I'm good and he's like I'll get you juice or alcohol, you choose and I'm like nah I'm good. So Ash is like no get her a drink. So he's like I'm going down there to get something, come with me and I'm like no I don't want to walk through these people with tears in my eyes and of course Ash pushes me to go with him.
We get to the bar and he's talking to me about alcohol and how I'm no match for him and I really appreciated it because it cheered me up. It was also real cool because sometimes I don't know if he likes me or not and I'm always telling Ash that.
So I know everyone is wondering why I was crying and the reason is because I felt lonely all over again. I mean I was with all my friends and we were having a good time but I just wanted what they had for a sec. I wanted to have a bf and be there with him and dance with him and just have a nice time and take pics with him. I think it really hit me because I never had that in my life and I am 22years old. I know that was the wrong time to be thinking about that but I couldn't help it due to my surroundings.
After the boatride I was telling Stuy and he was like damn babe I wish you told me it was a couple thing and he felt bad. But then we get on the topic that we aren't official and he's like I don't be acting as if I even want to be official with him. Truth be told I really don't know if I want it...with him that is....
Bold Move
I'm on my way to work the other day and I'm just sitting on the train listening to my ipod. Of course I'm looking at everyone on the train since there's really nothing else to do. I look to my left and at the other end of the seat is this guy.
Now I'm checking him out and seeing if he's someone I would talk to lol. He had on this burgundy button down, dark blue jeans, burgundy nike boots and JEWELRY!!! Diamond (at least I Think they were lol) earrings, diamond ring and this nice watch. Now everyone knows I LOVE MEN IN JEWELRY. I don't quite know what it is about it, but it is just so sexy and a major turn on to me.
So I keep looking at him and I notice he keeps looking at me also. I wanted him to smile, come over or signal for me or something, but he didn't. All I kept thinking was damn if he was closer I would've said something to him. I had a seat next to me and across from me and he had a seat next to him. I kept thinking maybe I should go sit next to him, but that would've just been a thirsty move. So I let it go, especially since the train got crowded. I figured if we get off at the same stop, I'll think about saying something to him lol.
Guess what happens when I get to my stop.....................HE GETS OFF TOO!!!!!!!!! lmao I was hype. So I purposely make it so that I'm walking close to him lol. Now we're walking to the N/Q train and he stops after a while. So I walk up a lil more and stop. I'm nervous as hell now and I'm going back and forth on if I should say something to him. Then I'm like what the hell am I going to say to get his attention.
I finally muster up the courage and I walk a lil closer to him. He's not looking in my direction so I had to get his attention. This is how the convo goes:
Me: "Excuse me can I ask you a question?"
Him: Yea
Me: Are you talking to anyone right now?
Him: Yea I am
Me: Oh ok...That's too bad
Him: What's your name?
Me: Shay. And you are?
Him: Cliff
Me: Ok. Are you and the girl serious?
Him: Umm not really
Me: How long yall been talking?
Him: A month
Me: Thats not serious
Then he laughs and we talk some more. We tell eachother a lil about one another. He tells me I'm bold and noone has ever come up to him like that before. I tell him I seen him on the train and I wanted to say something but didn't. He's like how he seen me too and he kept looking at me but the guy next to me kept looking at him so he figured I was with the guy. I'm like eww noo lol. My train comes and I'm like give me a call sometime and I gave him my number and got on the train.
I was so proud of myself because I'm a punk. But I wanted to do this because I didn't want to think about what could've been. HE hasn't called and I don't know if he will but I'm just happy I made that effort. I wonder if I could always be this bold lol
Now I'm checking him out and seeing if he's someone I would talk to lol. He had on this burgundy button down, dark blue jeans, burgundy nike boots and JEWELRY!!! Diamond (at least I Think they were lol) earrings, diamond ring and this nice watch. Now everyone knows I LOVE MEN IN JEWELRY. I don't quite know what it is about it, but it is just so sexy and a major turn on to me.
So I keep looking at him and I notice he keeps looking at me also. I wanted him to smile, come over or signal for me or something, but he didn't. All I kept thinking was damn if he was closer I would've said something to him. I had a seat next to me and across from me and he had a seat next to him. I kept thinking maybe I should go sit next to him, but that would've just been a thirsty move. So I let it go, especially since the train got crowded. I figured if we get off at the same stop, I'll think about saying something to him lol.
Guess what happens when I get to my stop.....................HE GETS OFF TOO!!!!!!!!! lmao I was hype. So I purposely make it so that I'm walking close to him lol. Now we're walking to the N/Q train and he stops after a while. So I walk up a lil more and stop. I'm nervous as hell now and I'm going back and forth on if I should say something to him. Then I'm like what the hell am I going to say to get his attention.
I finally muster up the courage and I walk a lil closer to him. He's not looking in my direction so I had to get his attention. This is how the convo goes:
Me: "Excuse me can I ask you a question?"
Him: Yea
Me: Are you talking to anyone right now?
Him: Yea I am
Me: Oh ok...That's too bad
Him: What's your name?
Me: Shay. And you are?
Him: Cliff
Me: Ok. Are you and the girl serious?
Him: Umm not really
Me: How long yall been talking?
Him: A month
Me: Thats not serious
Then he laughs and we talk some more. We tell eachother a lil about one another. He tells me I'm bold and noone has ever come up to him like that before. I tell him I seen him on the train and I wanted to say something but didn't. He's like how he seen me too and he kept looking at me but the guy next to me kept looking at him so he figured I was with the guy. I'm like eww noo lol. My train comes and I'm like give me a call sometime and I gave him my number and got on the train.
I was so proud of myself because I'm a punk. But I wanted to do this because I didn't want to think about what could've been. HE hasn't called and I don't know if he will but I'm just happy I made that effort. I wonder if I could always be this bold lol
Fresh Start is Needed
Ok I know all I've been talking about is my relationship problems (if you would even call them relationships) but I just can't help it. I need to vent.
We all know the cancellation of last night's plans (read previous blog), so when I made plans with Stuy for today, I was expecting everything to go as planned. NOT!! First off I had to get my hair done all alone this morning because mom dukes decided to stay at work and not inform me lol. This took a major toll on my schedule of events for the day. The plan was for me to go to the hair salon at like 9/10am so that I could be finished by 12pm and then Stuy could come over so we could chill. SMH I didn't end up leaving my house until 1230pm and then had to go by daddy house and then the salon. I ended up finishing my hair at like 245pm and I gave him the directions to my house. He calls me about an hour later saying he doesn't knw if he's coming and he'll call me back and let me know. UUGHH
When I didn't hear from him I figured he wasn't coming so I got comfy in bed. He then tells me to come meet him because he's almost here. On my way, I see my mother and sister and I'm like damn this heffa is home early. I tell him and he gets mad. I'm like you can still come over because my sis doesn't care. But does he....NOOO. He leaves with an attitude and that led to arguing for the next few days.
By day 4 we had a long discussion and I decided maybe he should just stay in my past. He acted as if the decision didn't affect him but kept speaking to me about it. But my mind was made up. WE WERE OVER!!
Next day I don't hit him up at all...what's the point?? We're over. He calls me late that night but I was sleeping and the morning after I text him and we started discussing us again. So we are trying it out..yet again. I don't know what my problem is....
We all know the cancellation of last night's plans (read previous blog), so when I made plans with Stuy for today, I was expecting everything to go as planned. NOT!! First off I had to get my hair done all alone this morning because mom dukes decided to stay at work and not inform me lol. This took a major toll on my schedule of events for the day. The plan was for me to go to the hair salon at like 9/10am so that I could be finished by 12pm and then Stuy could come over so we could chill. SMH I didn't end up leaving my house until 1230pm and then had to go by daddy house and then the salon. I ended up finishing my hair at like 245pm and I gave him the directions to my house. He calls me about an hour later saying he doesn't knw if he's coming and he'll call me back and let me know. UUGHH
When I didn't hear from him I figured he wasn't coming so I got comfy in bed. He then tells me to come meet him because he's almost here. On my way, I see my mother and sister and I'm like damn this heffa is home early. I tell him and he gets mad. I'm like you can still come over because my sis doesn't care. But does he....NOOO. He leaves with an attitude and that led to arguing for the next few days.
By day 4 we had a long discussion and I decided maybe he should just stay in my past. He acted as if the decision didn't affect him but kept speaking to me about it. But my mind was made up. WE WERE OVER!!
Next day I don't hit him up at all...what's the point?? We're over. He calls me late that night but I was sleeping and the morning after I text him and we started discussing us again. So we are trying it out..yet again. I don't know what my problem is....
Friday, June 5, 2009
Sorry About the Delay
Sorry people!!! I know I haven't blogged in a while but I have been working like a mad woman. I have started a couple and I have so much that has happened. Hopefully I will get back to my blogs in a couple days. Bare with me.
Until then, I will brief yall on what's going on. Stuy and I have ended things and I was trying to give him another shot yet again but I don't know if that may work out. Still trying to get a job in my field and life is still back in forth with boredom and fun lol.
Until then, I will brief yall on what's going on. Stuy and I have ended things and I was trying to give him another shot yet again but I don't know if that may work out. Still trying to get a job in my field and life is still back in forth with boredom and fun lol.
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