It's been so long since I have actually come onto my blog I don't know where to start. I miss writing and sharing what has been going on in my life, but I have been so busy that I haven't found the time.
Luckily, I have some time right now!
First thing first, I finally got a steady job!!! Now anyone who has been keeping up with my blogs knows that I have been doing temp jobs since I graduated from college and I've been very depressed because of the fact. I finally got my break when I was sent on a wk assignment doing payroll and accounting and the managers loved my work and decided to keep me permanently. It has been 7 months now and I can honestly say I like my job. Now this isn't where I want to stay in the long haul but it is a great experience and I am doing something that is in the field that I received my degree so I am truly greatful.
Now the downfall of life right now happened a few wks ago when celebrating my 25th bday. I was so excited for this event I went all out and got a vip section at a club and did bottle service with my friends and paid for our traveling to the club so we could all get drunk. Well that's exactly what we did, DRINK! Of course I had the most to drink (thanks to my friends pouring bottles down my mouth n such) and the night didn't end too well. As we were leaving the club and crossing the street, my drunk ass tripped over a pot hole and fell....on my face! SMFH My friends rushed me to the ER and I had chipped one tooth and broken another in half, bit my tongue so hard, scraped my knee and busted my chin. That definitely ruined my bday wknd. This has led to numerous trips to the ER and dentist trying to get myself fixed. I am still in the process and hopefully I can be good as new again.
I'll tell you this much, I will never drink so much again. I'm giving myself a 3-4 drink minimum and I am staying away from shots lol
I will try to blog some more on my thoughts and what's going on in my life, but I can't promise anything.
*Shay* signing out!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Monday, March 14, 2011
How Does One Know They Are "In Love"?
For some reason this question is always on my mind because I really want to know how you feel when you are truly in love with someone?
I have been in a real relationship with one man and I say I loved him and all that, but I honestly don't know if I was ever "in love" with him. I had feelings for him and I cared for him very deeply but I don't understand how you know when you are in love. Some people say you just feel it, but how does it feel? Do you wish to be around the person all the time? Is the person on your mind 24/7? I always think about my future and when I do meet a man and get serious with him how will I know if its more than like.
Besides my ex boyfriend, I told one other guy I loved him because I thought I did, but now I'm not so sure. A friend recently told her boyfriend she loved him and I was so happy for her, but again I wondered how she knew. I wish there was a simple answer to this question but I don't think there is. Most people will say that you just know when it happens. I just hope if and when it does happen for me, I am able to recognize it and not mistaken it for just caring for the person.
I have been in a real relationship with one man and I say I loved him and all that, but I honestly don't know if I was ever "in love" with him. I had feelings for him and I cared for him very deeply but I don't understand how you know when you are in love. Some people say you just feel it, but how does it feel? Do you wish to be around the person all the time? Is the person on your mind 24/7? I always think about my future and when I do meet a man and get serious with him how will I know if its more than like.
Besides my ex boyfriend, I told one other guy I loved him because I thought I did, but now I'm not so sure. A friend recently told her boyfriend she loved him and I was so happy for her, but again I wondered how she knew. I wish there was a simple answer to this question but I don't think there is. Most people will say that you just know when it happens. I just hope if and when it does happen for me, I am able to recognize it and not mistaken it for just caring for the person.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Quick Getaway
Today I am heading out to Miami with my Besty Ash, my sis, n my homegirl for a wknd getaway. It's crazy because when my friend first asked me to go I kept saying no but I'm glad she talked me into it. I need a little relaxation in my life and some good ol nice sun and drinks. I will be back Sunday so I'll be sure to fill y'all in on how that goes. Peace out everyone!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Smiling with Sadness
This morning on my way to the train station, my best friend's mother told me that I always look so sad and its understandable but not to worry because everything will fall into place in my life. I just smiled and said thank you and went to catch my train.
On my train ride into work, I started to think about my life and of course I teared. I mean NEVER did I think my life would be the way it is right now. I won't complain too much because there are a lot of people out there who are going through much WORSE than me, but I still can't help but feel sad. I think about losing my father way before I expected, not being in school working on my masters, not having a real steady job in finance or accounting, not being able to live at home, etc etc. They say that God doesn't put you through things if he knows that you can't overcome them, but I wonder when will I be able to overcome these boulders in my road to success and happiness.
I try to keep a smile on my face, despite how I feel on the inside because I am tired of complaining. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me and I am especially tired of feeling sorry for myself. My best friend says its totally understandable for me to be sad because I have been through a lot and even though that may be true, I hate being sad. I was always the happy one growing up and even if I came across problems in my life, I would always find a solution on my own or with the help of my dad. Now that he's gone I sometimes feel all alone. My mom is still here but everytime I speak to her I hear and feel the sadness in her voice that she can't do more for us and herself.
I have very big dreams and goals that I would like to accomplish and I just hope that things will get better very soon for me so that when I am smiling, there is nothing but happiness behind it.
On my train ride into work, I started to think about my life and of course I teared. I mean NEVER did I think my life would be the way it is right now. I won't complain too much because there are a lot of people out there who are going through much WORSE than me, but I still can't help but feel sad. I think about losing my father way before I expected, not being in school working on my masters, not having a real steady job in finance or accounting, not being able to live at home, etc etc. They say that God doesn't put you through things if he knows that you can't overcome them, but I wonder when will I be able to overcome these boulders in my road to success and happiness.
I try to keep a smile on my face, despite how I feel on the inside because I am tired of complaining. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me and I am especially tired of feeling sorry for myself. My best friend says its totally understandable for me to be sad because I have been through a lot and even though that may be true, I hate being sad. I was always the happy one growing up and even if I came across problems in my life, I would always find a solution on my own or with the help of my dad. Now that he's gone I sometimes feel all alone. My mom is still here but everytime I speak to her I hear and feel the sadness in her voice that she can't do more for us and herself.
I have very big dreams and goals that I would like to accomplish and I just hope that things will get better very soon for me so that when I am smiling, there is nothing but happiness behind it.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Trifling Family
My weekend started off really bad. I got into a big altercation with my oldest sister for taking my money after I told her not to and this stupid girl had the nerve to call the cops on me. So for the first time in my life I was arrested and taken to jail. I don't think I can explain all the emotions that were going through my body and mind throughout this whole ordeal. I felt rage, anger, sadness, and betrayed. Despite me cursing her out or breaking things, it shouldn't have gotten to the point where she had to call the cops. I more so feel this way because she said she felt like her life was threatened but she didn't call them until about 10-15min after this whole fiasco happened.
My experience at the precinct and at bookings wasn't so horrible, but it was still bad. The cell at the precinct was so cold and the toilet looked so nasty and smelled bad. I was there for about 5hrs before I was finally taken to bookings. At bookings, I shared a cell with about 20 other women that were in there for various reasons and although I spoke to a few, it was not where I wanted to be. The fact that I had to pee in the open space or sleep on a mat on the floor was very disgusting to me. The only good thing was there was heat so I wasn't as cold as before. I wasn't able to see a judge until around 6pm and since this was my first encounter with the law and the whole scenario was so ridiculous I was let go. BUT, there is an order of protection which means I can't stay at my house if that girl that I once referred to as my sister is there. I'm just so over her and I will no longer consider her family. In my eyes, she died the night I got arrested. I may be overreacting but that's just how I feel. After this encounter with jail, I know for a fact that I don't ever want to go through this again (even though I knew this before).
My experience at the precinct and at bookings wasn't so horrible, but it was still bad. The cell at the precinct was so cold and the toilet looked so nasty and smelled bad. I was there for about 5hrs before I was finally taken to bookings. At bookings, I shared a cell with about 20 other women that were in there for various reasons and although I spoke to a few, it was not where I wanted to be. The fact that I had to pee in the open space or sleep on a mat on the floor was very disgusting to me. The only good thing was there was heat so I wasn't as cold as before. I wasn't able to see a judge until around 6pm and since this was my first encounter with the law and the whole scenario was so ridiculous I was let go. BUT, there is an order of protection which means I can't stay at my house if that girl that I once referred to as my sister is there. I'm just so over her and I will no longer consider her family. In my eyes, she died the night I got arrested. I may be overreacting but that's just how I feel. After this encounter with jail, I know for a fact that I don't ever want to go through this again (even though I knew this before).
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I'm Getting Old
Tomorrow I will be celebrating my 24th birthday!!! I'm very excited. A lot of people may not take their birthday's very serious, but I do. I get very excited when my birthday is approaching and I make plans to celebrate with friends and family, shop for a whole new outfit (outfits) and think about what I may want as gifts lol.
Last year around this time there was nothing but sadness in my household for 2 reasons. One reason was because that was the first year I was celebrating my birthday without my father being around. The second reason was the earthquake that took place in Haiti. It was bad enough that I was still mourning my father's death, but when I heard about the earthquake I got really sad again. I found out about 5min before the clock turned 12am to Jan 14, that my 5yr old cousin died in Haiti from the earthquake. This news was very devastating to me because this little girl was living with me for a few years and was recently sent back to Haiti to live with her mother because there wasn't anyone around to watch her. Her father, my uncle, was distraught because he felt if he had only kept her here in NY with him, she would still be alive today. So this week I mourn my cousins death as well as celebrate my life.
It seems like something sad always occurs around my birthday. Tomorrow night, my friends and I will be partying to celebrate, but on Saturday morning we will be going to a funeral to mourn the death of my friend's grandmother. I will be happy for seeing another full year in this world, but I will remember those around me that have made their way home to heaven.
So HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! Jan 14 I will officially be 24yrs old.
Last year around this time there was nothing but sadness in my household for 2 reasons. One reason was because that was the first year I was celebrating my birthday without my father being around. The second reason was the earthquake that took place in Haiti. It was bad enough that I was still mourning my father's death, but when I heard about the earthquake I got really sad again. I found out about 5min before the clock turned 12am to Jan 14, that my 5yr old cousin died in Haiti from the earthquake. This news was very devastating to me because this little girl was living with me for a few years and was recently sent back to Haiti to live with her mother because there wasn't anyone around to watch her. Her father, my uncle, was distraught because he felt if he had only kept her here in NY with him, she would still be alive today. So this week I mourn my cousins death as well as celebrate my life.
It seems like something sad always occurs around my birthday. Tomorrow night, my friends and I will be partying to celebrate, but on Saturday morning we will be going to a funeral to mourn the death of my friend's grandmother. I will be happy for seeing another full year in this world, but I will remember those around me that have made their way home to heaven.
So HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! Jan 14 I will officially be 24yrs old.
New Zodiac Sign
So apparently the earth's alignment has shifted causing a new zodiac sign to come about and everyone's sign to change. This new sign discovered is called "Ophiuchus". Apparently, the gradual tilt of the Earth has caused pre-existing zodiac dates to be inaccurate. This new sign is represented by a serpent tamer and it applies to those born between November 29 and December 17.
With this new discovery, everyone is wondering if they have a new zodiac sign now and if so, what is it. Well here is the list of the new zodiac signs with the dates :
Capricorn Jan 20 - Feb 16
Aquarius Feb 16 - March 11
Pisces March 11 - April 18
Aries April 18 - May 13
Taurus May 13 - June 21
Gemini June 21 - July 20
Cancer July 20 - Aug 10
Leo Aug 10 - Sept 16
Virgo Sept 16 - Oct 30
Libra Oct 30 - Nov 23
Scorpio Nov 23 - Nov 29
Ophiuchus Nov 29 - Dec 17
Sagittarius Dec 17 - Jan 20
However, there is a twist to this whole new discovery. These changes only apply to people born after the year 2009. So everyone that was born before this year will remain the sign that they knew and loved. Weird right?? What are your thoughts about this?
With this new discovery, everyone is wondering if they have a new zodiac sign now and if so, what is it. Well here is the list of the new zodiac signs with the dates :
Capricorn Jan 20 - Feb 16
Aquarius Feb 16 - March 11
Pisces March 11 - April 18
Aries April 18 - May 13
Taurus May 13 - June 21
Gemini June 21 - July 20
Cancer July 20 - Aug 10
Leo Aug 10 - Sept 16
Virgo Sept 16 - Oct 30
Libra Oct 30 - Nov 23
Scorpio Nov 23 - Nov 29
Ophiuchus Nov 29 - Dec 17
Sagittarius Dec 17 - Jan 20
However, there is a twist to this whole new discovery. These changes only apply to people born after the year 2009. So everyone that was born before this year will remain the sign that they knew and loved. Weird right?? What are your thoughts about this?
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Its Never Easy
Its NEVER easy to say to goodbye to a loved one!!!!
No matter the circumstance, when a loved one is lost, its never easy. They could be really sick and on their death bed, but when you get the news they passed away, it still feels like someone is squeezing your heart. Of course we hate seeing our loved ones suffering but the thought of them dying is never easy. Despite the visits to the hospital and the diagnosis given by doctors, in our mind everything will go back to normal soon. All that is going on is a big nightmare and you're waiting to wake up.
But when you get that phone call, text message, or visit and the news is that the person is gone, its like a reality check. You ask yourself "Is this really happening?"
Losing a loved one is never easy but its something we all will have to go through. I went through it plenty of times but the worst was when it was my dad. Now one of my closest friends is going through it and I will be right by her side whenever she needs me. You go through a lot of emotions and the only way to get through it is with the help of friends and family.
R.I.P. to my girl's grandma!!!
No matter the circumstance, when a loved one is lost, its never easy. They could be really sick and on their death bed, but when you get the news they passed away, it still feels like someone is squeezing your heart. Of course we hate seeing our loved ones suffering but the thought of them dying is never easy. Despite the visits to the hospital and the diagnosis given by doctors, in our mind everything will go back to normal soon. All that is going on is a big nightmare and you're waiting to wake up.
But when you get that phone call, text message, or visit and the news is that the person is gone, its like a reality check. You ask yourself "Is this really happening?"
Losing a loved one is never easy but its something we all will have to go through. I went through it plenty of times but the worst was when it was my dad. Now one of my closest friends is going through it and I will be right by her side whenever she needs me. You go through a lot of emotions and the only way to get through it is with the help of friends and family.
R.I.P. to my girl's grandma!!!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Doctors Have No Choice
I just finished watching last night's season premiere of Grey's Anatomy and it really got me thinking. For those who haven't seen it: There was a shooter at a college and 24 students got shot not including the shooter and the police officer who was able to take down the shooter. Not known to anyone until a while into the surgery, they were operating on the shooter and 2 of the doctors decided that they did not want to save this man's life. They walked out of the OR and went to go help other victims. At the end of the day all 26 victims were saved, thank God.
Sad to say, this happens a lot. The person who is the cause of a shooting or a car accident or whatever tragedy occurred is brought into the hospital because they have gotten injured as well. The only difference is that doctors don't have a choice but to try and save the person's life. As a doctor, you take an oath to do all that you can do to save someone (so I've been told). So no matter how much you may blame the person or hate that person, you have to try and keep them alive. Some may agree with this because time behind bars is a better punishment than death. To many people, death is like the easy way out and they want you to suffer and live with your actions for the rest of your life. But how do you try and save the life of someone who may have injured or killed someone close to you? I think doctors are faced with hard decisions everyday of their lives and I must commend them on being able to put their personal feelings to the side and do the right thing.
Sad to say, this happens a lot. The person who is the cause of a shooting or a car accident or whatever tragedy occurred is brought into the hospital because they have gotten injured as well. The only difference is that doctors don't have a choice but to try and save the person's life. As a doctor, you take an oath to do all that you can do to save someone (so I've been told). So no matter how much you may blame the person or hate that person, you have to try and keep them alive. Some may agree with this because time behind bars is a better punishment than death. To many people, death is like the easy way out and they want you to suffer and live with your actions for the rest of your life. But how do you try and save the life of someone who may have injured or killed someone close to you? I think doctors are faced with hard decisions everyday of their lives and I must commend them on being able to put their personal feelings to the side and do the right thing.
Women Are Ready...Men Aren't
Last night I was talking to a friend about relationships (what else is new right lol). The discussion was basically about women being ready to settle down at an earlier age then men. At the age of 23, females are already thinking about possibly getting married and creating a family, while men are more focused on the girl with the big butt that just walked by. This makes it really hard for females who are looking for the right one. Now don't get me wrong, I know there are plenty of women out there who are just looking for a good time at that age as well. But, majority of the women out there are looking for THE ONE, the guy they can see themselves spending the rest of their lives with, the one that they can raise their child with.
It seems that if a woman is thinking about settling down, she needs to go to a man that is much older than she is. I'm sure this isn't always the case, but men are thinking about falling in love and getting married at the age of 27 or older. Why is that? I would love to get married one day and start a family, but I do want to get my career started before I do so. But that doesn't mean I don't want to meet a man and begin the foundation of what can lead to a blissful life with him. It would be nice if it could happen with a man in my age group, but the way that men seem to think nowadays I don't think that is possible. People say age aint nothing but a number, and although this may be true, it is still frowned upon when a woman dates a man who is much older than her. It would be nice if men and women were on the same page with this subject. What are your thoughts????
It seems that if a woman is thinking about settling down, she needs to go to a man that is much older than she is. I'm sure this isn't always the case, but men are thinking about falling in love and getting married at the age of 27 or older. Why is that? I would love to get married one day and start a family, but I do want to get my career started before I do so. But that doesn't mean I don't want to meet a man and begin the foundation of what can lead to a blissful life with him. It would be nice if it could happen with a man in my age group, but the way that men seem to think nowadays I don't think that is possible. People say age aint nothing but a number, and although this may be true, it is still frowned upon when a woman dates a man who is much older than her. It would be nice if men and women were on the same page with this subject. What are your thoughts????
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Guest Blogger: The Reinvention of the Modern Day Black Man...
Yesterday I decided to check out a friend's blog to support and see his angle on different subjects. I came upon a really interesting blog entry that I must share with everyone:
DO NOT tell me to reach for the damn Sky, when there are footprints on the EFFIN moon!!!:
What standards would a 24 year old college graduate use to measure himself? They say the best standards to measure yourself by are your own, and that to live up to another’s standards is irrational. That’s usually a great rule of thumb when everyone else’s standards are higher than your own. What happens when your standards for yourself are higher than most? When this occurs, you become your own worst enemy. Constantly pushing yourself maybe harder than you need to, resulting in lapses of self-doubt. To make you feel better, they always say “Ronald, you’re doing a lot better than a lot of people.” But then again, I’m also doing worse than a lot of people. So I find myself in a constant limbo, caught between the living up to my sometimes irrationally high standards, and a world who settles for mediocrity, in which I REFUSE to conform to. Living in a society where you have 24 year old millionaires and 24 year olds who have been in prison for 10 years, its hard to find where you fit on the spectrum of success. This is something I struggle with damn near everyday. And all the time I tell myself just to be comfortable at my own pace, and reassure myself that I will get what I need to done. The problem with that is: I have a hard time dealing with the notion of “Comfort”. I find being comfortable a form of settling, therefore I can never be comfortable with what I have, with what I’ve done, regardless of who I’m doing better than. “Don’t tell me to reach for the sky, when there are footprints on the moon.” I don’t know who said that, but it sums up my insatiable appetite for progress. The same goals that others reach and feel a sense accomplishment, I reach and wonder what would have happened if I worked harder, focused more, and then I’m already eyeballing my next move. The question of my life: is it better to be satisfied and be happy with what you have? Or to never be satisfied and never be happy because you are well aware that there are always going to be higher plateaus that you know you can reach if you just work harder?
This entry really had me thinking because many people set standards for themselves or goals they would like to reach and once they have accomplished it, they are satisfied. But, why not try to surpass that goal or standard? There are many people in this world who tend to settle instead of trying to go above and beyond. I have yet to reach the goals that I have set for myself, but I do know that I probably won't be satisfied when I do. I will always try and go beyond those goals just to continue testing myself and see how far I can go.
What are your thoughts about this? Have you reached the goals you have set for yourself? If so, did you just stop and settle with where you are at or did you set even higher goals to be reached?
I have included the link to my friends blog so feel free to check it out
http://drapersmodernlife.tumblr.com/
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Bringing In the New Year
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
For the first time in about 6yrs I brought in the new year at home with my family. It actually wasn't very exciting to me because I was actually in bed. But at about 2am we gathered at my friend's house for food, drinks and laughs. It was actually the best way to spend my first day in the new year. I love my girls dearly and couldn't picture my life without them. We stayed up til 9am just having a good time and went straight to the mall to shop afterwards. New Years day we got all dressed up and partied. I couldn't have spent the beginning of the new year doing anything else. I look forward to more good times with my friends this year.
How did you bring in the new year??
Thursday, December 30, 2010
New Years Resolutions
Every year around this time everyone conjures up a list of things they would like to accomplish in the new year. I, myself, have done this but it seems as though I never do accomplish these things. I do have goals that I am setting for myself for the year 2011 that I am going to try my hardest to follow and stay focused to accomplish. This is my list:
1. Lose 20-30lbs
2. Get a permanent job with benefits
3. Start paying off my student loans
4. Find a man
Well #4 isn't really realistic because it's more of what I would like to happen that is way beyond my control, but it would be nice if it came true.
On another note, I will most likely be bringing in the new year with my girls drinking and laughing and eating some good food. I hope everyone has a safe night and bring in the new year right!!
What are your new years resolutions???
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Happy Birthday Daddy!!!
At 12am I reached for my phone to be the 1st to call my dad and wish him a happy birthday. Every year my siblings and I compete to see who would be the 1st and every year I would beat them. I start typing in the letters D-A...and there's no matches. It then clicks to me that you are no longer here with me. You are now stored under my brother's name since he now has your phone.
Today would've made you 58years old but you would still look like you were in your 40s and would still be acting like you were in your early 30s. I miss the jokes you use to tell and the childish games you played just to get a good laugh. I miss seeing you smile and seeing your taxi cab pull up outside at the end of the day. I miss being able to call you just to see how your day is going or letting you know about something that just happened to me. I miss talking to you and spending time just watching movies.
The other day I felt like I wasted time not being around you when you were here with me. I went away to school and only got to see you every other month if I was lucky, but luckily I made sure I spoke to you everyday. When I did come home, I spent a lot of time hanging out with friends. Now I wish I would've spent more time with you. I think about the fact that I rarely came to the hospital to visit you because of my work schedule. Those were moments I wont ever get back. I remember my last night seeing you. We all came to visit that saturday and spent the day in your hospital room making jokes. It was nice to see you smile. I promised I would come to see you Monday because Sunday I had to work. I would've never thought that would've been the last time I would get to see you smile or get to hold your hand or tell you that I love you.
I'm glad you aren't suffering anymore, but now I am. I miss you dearly and I'm so very sad I can't celebrate this day with you. I hope you are in heaven enjoying your birthday daddy. I love you so much and I hope you are looking down on me and smiling at the young lady you raised. Happy 58th birthday!!!!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Butt Touching
A friend of mine asked an interesting question on twitter to the guys "Would yall be okay with a female touching your butt?"
Now at first glance, this seems like a simple question because females do have the tendency to grab a males behind and its no big deal but then we went in depth with the question. Would males be comfortable if the girl grabbed the butt during sexual activity? This one guy replied that he would not be comfortable with it and this isn't the first time I heard that response.
I had an ex who refused to let me anywhere near his behind. If I was just playing around and grabbed his behind he would jump away from me or grab my hand and tell me to stop. I use to always find this funny, but I never quite understood what the big deal was. Now, I would definitely understand if I was headed to his a** crack (which I would NEVER YUCKK!!!) but I wasn't. But on the other hand, you have men who like when women grab their behind or even "toss their salad". So this leads me to asking:
Men- Would you allow a female to grab your butt? If you say no, why not? Females- Have you ever been in the situation where the man wouldn't allow you near his buttocks? Would you ever "toss a salad"??
Now at first glance, this seems like a simple question because females do have the tendency to grab a males behind and its no big deal but then we went in depth with the question. Would males be comfortable if the girl grabbed the butt during sexual activity? This one guy replied that he would not be comfortable with it and this isn't the first time I heard that response.
I had an ex who refused to let me anywhere near his behind. If I was just playing around and grabbed his behind he would jump away from me or grab my hand and tell me to stop. I use to always find this funny, but I never quite understood what the big deal was. Now, I would definitely understand if I was headed to his a** crack (which I would NEVER YUCKK!!!) but I wasn't. But on the other hand, you have men who like when women grab their behind or even "toss their salad". So this leads me to asking:
Men- Would you allow a female to grab your butt? If you say no, why not? Females- Have you ever been in the situation where the man wouldn't allow you near his buttocks? Would you ever "toss a salad"??
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The "Good Girl"
Today I had an interesting conversation with a male friend of mine, lets call him RC. He had his bbm status as "Every chick says their a "good girl" with the bbm sarcastic face. This led us to discussing this good girl notion.
I made the comment that I am a good girl and he automatically jumped to the question "Was every man that I had sex with my man?" So I replied that if the answer was yes, that wouldn't make me a good girl nor a bad girl. He then went on to state that when girls say they are a "good girl" they are trying to say that all the guys they have slept with have been their bf at a point in time. I disagree with this interpretation. I think this can be analyzed differently. I think when a female makes that statement, she can be saying that she sleeps with one man at a time. In other words, if she is sexually active with you, she will not engage in sexual activity with anyone else.
This led us into discussing why do females feel the need to let it be known that they are a "good girl" in the first place. I think females make this statement for different reasons. One reason could be that they are trying to believe this "lie" because deep down they know they are far from a good girl. Another reason could be because she just doesn't want the man to judge her. Many of us are freaky in the bedroom and may have a way with words, but this can cause certain men to label and judge us. For example, if 2 individuals are having sex for the 1st time and the girl goes down on him and does crazy positions or whatever, the man is going to love it but he may also be wondering who else she has done this for and so on. I, personally, will not go down on a man the first few times we engage in sexual activity because I don't do it to everyone and if I do want to do it to him, I don't want to be judged. There are just a lot of close minded and ignorant people out there that as females, we can't help but be cautious on things we do.
What are your thoughts? Do you associate the "good girl" name with how many partners a girl has had?
I made the comment that I am a good girl and he automatically jumped to the question "Was every man that I had sex with my man?" So I replied that if the answer was yes, that wouldn't make me a good girl nor a bad girl. He then went on to state that when girls say they are a "good girl" they are trying to say that all the guys they have slept with have been their bf at a point in time. I disagree with this interpretation. I think this can be analyzed differently. I think when a female makes that statement, she can be saying that she sleeps with one man at a time. In other words, if she is sexually active with you, she will not engage in sexual activity with anyone else.
This led us into discussing why do females feel the need to let it be known that they are a "good girl" in the first place. I think females make this statement for different reasons. One reason could be that they are trying to believe this "lie" because deep down they know they are far from a good girl. Another reason could be because she just doesn't want the man to judge her. Many of us are freaky in the bedroom and may have a way with words, but this can cause certain men to label and judge us. For example, if 2 individuals are having sex for the 1st time and the girl goes down on him and does crazy positions or whatever, the man is going to love it but he may also be wondering who else she has done this for and so on. I, personally, will not go down on a man the first few times we engage in sexual activity because I don't do it to everyone and if I do want to do it to him, I don't want to be judged. There are just a lot of close minded and ignorant people out there that as females, we can't help but be cautious on things we do.
What are your thoughts? Do you associate the "good girl" name with how many partners a girl has had?
Monday, November 29, 2010
Meltdown
Last night I had a complete meltdown. I think one day I am going to go completely crazy and throw a temper tantrum.
It started with watching tv in dear old mommy's room when she says she wants to take a nap before going to church. So I said okay and went into my sisters room/where I sleep/ex living room and go on my computer and watch tv with my sisters. They then leave for church leaving me with the tv and peace and quiet. Now last night there were 3 good things on tv at the same time, documentary on Nicki Minaj, Soul Train Awards, and Real Housewives of Atlanta. So I'm flipping back and forth trying to watch all three shows when everyone returns from church. When they walk in, I am watching Nicki Minaj and my older sister is saying change it because she doesn't want to watch it and all this nonsense and even though I informed her the show would be over in 15min she kept carrying on. So I said take your stupid ass remote control and I went upstairs. Then my mom wants to put in her 2 cents as if I'm not already annoyed so I bark on her. Then I cursed. Now this may not be a big thing, but I never curse in front my holy mother (unless I'm joking or reciting a story).
I finish watching my shows and then I decide to go to bed. Now everything hits me, this isn't suppose to be how my life is right now. I graduated with honors from school, yet I still don't have a permanent job. My dad told me he would be there to help me out when he got out the hospital, but he left me. This is when the tears started falling and I couldn't quite get it to stop. I blamed God for taking away the only man that seemed to love me and wanted to help me in any way possible. He promised everything was going to be okay, but instead everything got worse. My other sis tried to console me, as well as my bff but in the end no one can ever help. This pain will never go away. The fact that I'm still living at home without a room and living in bins and sharing closets isn't helping either. I just wanna know when it will be my turn to just be happy again??!!!
It started with watching tv in dear old mommy's room when she says she wants to take a nap before going to church. So I said okay and went into my sisters room/where I sleep/ex living room and go on my computer and watch tv with my sisters. They then leave for church leaving me with the tv and peace and quiet. Now last night there were 3 good things on tv at the same time, documentary on Nicki Minaj, Soul Train Awards, and Real Housewives of Atlanta. So I'm flipping back and forth trying to watch all three shows when everyone returns from church. When they walk in, I am watching Nicki Minaj and my older sister is saying change it because she doesn't want to watch it and all this nonsense and even though I informed her the show would be over in 15min she kept carrying on. So I said take your stupid ass remote control and I went upstairs. Then my mom wants to put in her 2 cents as if I'm not already annoyed so I bark on her. Then I cursed. Now this may not be a big thing, but I never curse in front my holy mother (unless I'm joking or reciting a story).
I finish watching my shows and then I decide to go to bed. Now everything hits me, this isn't suppose to be how my life is right now. I graduated with honors from school, yet I still don't have a permanent job. My dad told me he would be there to help me out when he got out the hospital, but he left me. This is when the tears started falling and I couldn't quite get it to stop. I blamed God for taking away the only man that seemed to love me and wanted to help me in any way possible. He promised everything was going to be okay, but instead everything got worse. My other sis tried to console me, as well as my bff but in the end no one can ever help. This pain will never go away. The fact that I'm still living at home without a room and living in bins and sharing closets isn't helping either. I just wanna know when it will be my turn to just be happy again??!!!
Twitter Fronting
Now one thing that I HATE the most is when people front for twitter. They pretend to be someone they really aren't to impress people on the internet, but they forget that some of us know them off the internet.
Now the guy from "Disaster Date" is a perfect example. During our dates we had many discussions on dating and money and he let it be known he was cheap and that he wouldn't take a date or his gf to a fancy restaurant because he doesn't want to have to change himself. So of all the days his mute expired, it happened the day he decides to post on twitter that he will take his gf to certain restaurants and wouldn't mind spending money on them to make her happy. Whoaaaa but that's not what you told me. So I commented and he had the nerve to tell me not to butt in. Excuse me sir but if you didn't notice, this is twitter so I will butt in if I want. So I decided to unfollow him after that day.
So the other day my bff (which he doesn't know from a hole in the wall) decided to unfollow him and his thirsty ass questioned her about it and she replied that her bestie (me) put her on to him. This man BLEW UP!!! He goes to say "wow she made you unfollow me because I curved her"..."she's just mad cuz I didn't want to mess with her like that and she's a lame and wack and so are you". Now I replied "you definitely didn't curve me and your mad wack for fronting for twitter". He has the nerve to say I'm ugly and I need tyra number for a makeover but he forgets I have all his messages saying how pretty I am and how he doesn't want to put himself out there if I don't want to talk to him like that.
He kept going on and on but I politely told him he's wack and I don't have time to argue via twitter so he can beat it and keep fronting for twitter. Now I'll tell you this, if I see him and he decides to continue, I'm airing his whole business out. People take my kindness for weakness and I need to shut him down :)
Now the guy from "Disaster Date" is a perfect example. During our dates we had many discussions on dating and money and he let it be known he was cheap and that he wouldn't take a date or his gf to a fancy restaurant because he doesn't want to have to change himself. So of all the days his mute expired, it happened the day he decides to post on twitter that he will take his gf to certain restaurants and wouldn't mind spending money on them to make her happy. Whoaaaa but that's not what you told me. So I commented and he had the nerve to tell me not to butt in. Excuse me sir but if you didn't notice, this is twitter so I will butt in if I want. So I decided to unfollow him after that day.
So the other day my bff (which he doesn't know from a hole in the wall) decided to unfollow him and his thirsty ass questioned her about it and she replied that her bestie (me) put her on to him. This man BLEW UP!!! He goes to say "wow she made you unfollow me because I curved her"..."she's just mad cuz I didn't want to mess with her like that and she's a lame and wack and so are you". Now I replied "you definitely didn't curve me and your mad wack for fronting for twitter". He has the nerve to say I'm ugly and I need tyra number for a makeover but he forgets I have all his messages saying how pretty I am and how he doesn't want to put himself out there if I don't want to talk to him like that.
He kept going on and on but I politely told him he's wack and I don't have time to argue via twitter so he can beat it and keep fronting for twitter. Now I'll tell you this, if I see him and he decides to continue, I'm airing his whole business out. People take my kindness for weakness and I need to shut him down :)
Disaster Date
The other night I went on a "date" with a friend. Now let me be clear that me and this guy are/were just friends. I wasn't in no shape or form attracted to him (but I can't say the same about him).
We flirted here and there on twitter and he let it be known numerously that he found me attractive and wanted to know if I had feelings for him. I told him I am just a flirt and just see him as a friend. He wanted to go see Saw 3D and I said I would go and that would be our date.
The night came and he came and picked me up and we drove to the theaters. In the car we made small talk and got into a mini argument on our views about dating and relationships. (He's very very close minded). We get to the theater and he gives me $40 to get the tickets as he goes to find parking. He makes it to me just as I am about to purchase the tickets and when he sees that the tickets are $16.50 a piece, he goes crazy but still purchases them. The lady gives me back $7 and I hand it to him since it is his money and he looks at me like I'm crazy saying its only 7 bucks so I'm like fine give it back to me and he says no and puts it in his pocket. (So you're saying that's chump change but your quick to stuff it in your pocket hmmm).
After the movie I say lets go for drinks since its still early and he says ok so I let him know there's an Applebees a few blocks down and we drive there. We get to the bar and I order a drink and he gets one. Now I see he post on twitter that he finally took me out and paid (wtf!!). Then we both order appetizers and just make conversation. He proceeds to tell me that he is a cheap guy and he will spend money on things and later regret it. Then we get into multiple arguments about different things. (I guess I should tell yall that I am very strong minded and always have a point to make). By this time I'm annoyed with him. Now I'm done with my drink and I order another. The look that I get from this man was crazy but I paid him no mind. So he makes a comment about if he was to go sit somewhere else, what would I do with the check. I said I would tell them to bill it to him. He says no you won't so I make it clear that if he doesn't want to pay I will pay for myself. Stop treating me like I'm broke. Anyway, the check comes and its $48 and do you know this man had the nerve to complain. I couldn't believe it.
On our way back to my house, we get into yet another argument and I shut him down and get out of the car. I couldn't believe he was acting this way and I chose to mute him on twitter and we haven't really spoken since. But boy did he have pent up anger......
We flirted here and there on twitter and he let it be known numerously that he found me attractive and wanted to know if I had feelings for him. I told him I am just a flirt and just see him as a friend. He wanted to go see Saw 3D and I said I would go and that would be our date.
The night came and he came and picked me up and we drove to the theaters. In the car we made small talk and got into a mini argument on our views about dating and relationships. (He's very very close minded). We get to the theater and he gives me $40 to get the tickets as he goes to find parking. He makes it to me just as I am about to purchase the tickets and when he sees that the tickets are $16.50 a piece, he goes crazy but still purchases them. The lady gives me back $7 and I hand it to him since it is his money and he looks at me like I'm crazy saying its only 7 bucks so I'm like fine give it back to me and he says no and puts it in his pocket. (So you're saying that's chump change but your quick to stuff it in your pocket hmmm).
After the movie I say lets go for drinks since its still early and he says ok so I let him know there's an Applebees a few blocks down and we drive there. We get to the bar and I order a drink and he gets one. Now I see he post on twitter that he finally took me out and paid (wtf!!). Then we both order appetizers and just make conversation. He proceeds to tell me that he is a cheap guy and he will spend money on things and later regret it. Then we get into multiple arguments about different things. (I guess I should tell yall that I am very strong minded and always have a point to make). By this time I'm annoyed with him. Now I'm done with my drink and I order another. The look that I get from this man was crazy but I paid him no mind. So he makes a comment about if he was to go sit somewhere else, what would I do with the check. I said I would tell them to bill it to him. He says no you won't so I make it clear that if he doesn't want to pay I will pay for myself. Stop treating me like I'm broke. Anyway, the check comes and its $48 and do you know this man had the nerve to complain. I couldn't believe it.
On our way back to my house, we get into yet another argument and I shut him down and get out of the car. I couldn't believe he was acting this way and I chose to mute him on twitter and we haven't really spoken since. But boy did he have pent up anger......
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thanksgiving
Happy Belated Thanksgiving everyone!!! I hope everyone enjoyed the time spent with friends and family and lets not forget....THE FOOD!!!
I had a GREAT GREAT Thanksgiving. Well, it really started off Wednesday after work. I went out for drinks with my sister and best friend and then ended up at a friend's birthday party. I was getting drink after drink and loving it. Of course that caused me to make a phone call to have a happy ending lol.
Yesterday I laid in bed until the food was ready and went over to my brothers house and hung out with the fam. I originally was going to go visit my aunt but then I changed my mind and went out with friends. First stop was my home girl grandmother's house where we hung out and told jokes and planned our next vacay. Then this guy came who I was talking to and he just cut me off out of nowhere after meeting me once. He proceeded to ask my homegirl who I was because my hair is different (I have bangs now) and I know he felt really lame (yessss lol). Then I went to visit my other best friend and then ended the night at my other home girl house where we played gestures. It was a great night. Only bad thing is I'm at work now and I only had 3hrs of sleep. But hey I'm young right.
I had a GREAT GREAT Thanksgiving. Well, it really started off Wednesday after work. I went out for drinks with my sister and best friend and then ended up at a friend's birthday party. I was getting drink after drink and loving it. Of course that caused me to make a phone call to have a happy ending lol.
Yesterday I laid in bed until the food was ready and went over to my brothers house and hung out with the fam. I originally was going to go visit my aunt but then I changed my mind and went out with friends. First stop was my home girl grandmother's house where we hung out and told jokes and planned our next vacay. Then this guy came who I was talking to and he just cut me off out of nowhere after meeting me once. He proceeded to ask my homegirl who I was because my hair is different (I have bangs now) and I know he felt really lame (yessss lol). Then I went to visit my other best friend and then ended the night at my other home girl house where we played gestures. It was a great night. Only bad thing is I'm at work now and I only had 3hrs of sleep. But hey I'm young right.
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