Sadness

I tend to find myself always sad nowadays and sometimes its unbearable. I think about all thats going on in my life and I wonder where did I go wrong. What am I doing (or not doing) to be happy? I don't really speak on my feelings because I don't like to look weak nor do I like sympathy from pple but there is just but so much an individual can take.

I've spoken to my 2 besties about this and they suggested that I get a notebook and write about everything that is going on in my life whether its good or bad and makes me sad or happy and to give it to someone I trust and allow them to read it. Then when they are finished, I can have someone to talk to who may truly understand what is going on with me.

I think that was a great idea but I have yet to actually do it. I always look at blogging as a way to get things off my chest but then again there are some things I rather not reveal to the world about myself.

I have always had a sadness within me that I can barely explain to pple but with the death of my father, it has gotten worse. I try to do things that will make me happy (at least I think) but in the end I find myself unsatisfied. I'm at a party and still somewhat sad. I just hope I can find a way to cope with this before it gets "uncontrollable".