Witness to Suicide

Today something very tragic occurred on 34th street. As a co-worker of mine was on her lunch break, she witnessed a suicide. She was walking down the street to Chipotle and out of nowhere a man lands right in front of her DEAD!!! He allegedly jumped out of a window or off of a building plunging to his death. She came back to the job and told us what she'd seen and then threw up. She began to cry and was in utter shock. My manager had to send her home early due to her condition.

Now I sit and think how would I have reacted if I was in her shoes. I know I would have definitely screamed because any little thing makes me jump. But would I have been able to get that image out of my head? I really have the feeling that my co-worker will need counseling because that sight may forever be etched into her mind. I just hope she can get over what she has seen and that that 21yr old man has found peace.

Way Too Observant

I've come to realize that I am entirely way too observant towards other people. Last night I was hanging out with Mr. P and I found myself depicting things to him about himself. Although I tried not to seem like I was judging too much or anything I was voicing what I usually look for in a guy. Like for instance, his jeans are a little baggier than I would like but I have seen him in fitted jeans and they look nice on him and he needs wear jeans like that more often. I also asked him if he dresses up sometimes and he replied no; the only time he wore a suit was to go to a funeral a couple years ago. So I asked if he wears shoes or cardigans and such and he said not really, but he does see himself changing phases and whatnot.

So today I'm talking to my best friend and I'm letting her know about the convo and my observations and everything and other lil stuff that might make me seem petty and she said to me that I am way too observant and I shouldn't let these things mess up something that can be good for me.

In all honestly I don't think I'm letting these things ruin us because I am still around him, I just can't help to let my mind wander. Is it bad that I just like to see guys dressed certain way? But I am going to try and stop "observing" and just enjoy my time with Mr. P and wait to see if we will work out.

Brooklyn's Finest

Now I don't want to ruin this movie for those of you who haven't seen it yet, but I honestly don't think the movie was all that. It was pretty good for the most part and had a real good cast but it isn't a movie that could be compared to "Training Day". There were some twists to the story which made it good, but I think they ended the movie the wrong way. I don't think those who died in the end deserved to die at all. This movie also didn't seem to follow rules that cops in reality have to follow so it made it kind of unbelievable to some. Between the rating of 1-10 I would give this movie a 3 or 4. For those of you who did see the movie what did you think???

Back On My Grind

I really hate the fact that I have a slow metabolism. Its like I can never lose weight and keep it off if I don't stay in the gym or eating healthy and its sooo annoying. Last April I started going to the gym trying to lose 20lbs and tone up my mid section for my vacation in DR. Although I ended up losing almost 15lbs, you couldn't really see it. Granted everyone was telling me how small I got but my mid section was still big in my eyes.

After my DR trip I pretty much fell off and didn't have much motivation to go to the gym anymore and I started eating unhealthy again. Now we have our next vacation to Cancun in about 3 months and I decided its time for me to start working out again. I go to the gym the other day with my sister and weigh myself and I notice I gained about 20lbs. LIKE WTF!!!!!! So now I'm tryna get dedicated to losing weight as well as inches for this trip and for myself. I am even going to invest in a personal trainer to make sure I get the results that I want. I want to be able to wear a 2piece on this vacay and look good in it. I'll keep yall updated on how this is working out for me.

I Just Don't Know What I Want

There is a slight possibility that Stuy is back in the picture.

Ok let me rewind. The other day we are speaking and he says he wants to see me so we decide to hang out today by his crib. So throughout the day I am pampering myself (both for myself and for him i have to admit) and I hit him up to confirm that we will be seeing each other later in the evening. He then says "Be at my house at 645pm and if you're not, don't bother coming". I was like wtf!!! So I text back and tell him he is being rude and is all that necessary and he says he's just letting me know from jump. Fine!!!

I go home after the hair salon and try and kill time and then I leave my crib at 6 so I can get there on time. I then realize I may be running late and even though I don't want to admit it, I didn't want to not be able to see him or chill. Luckily I made it by his house at 647 and everything.

When I get inside, I just had a rush of feelings shoot inside of me and I'm thinking damn he looks good. I'm nervous as hell and I'm sitting at the edge of the bed with my coat and bag on my lap just looking at the television. Long story short, we end up talking and such n such and in the end he ask why aren't we together and he tells me he misses me and asks me what is it that I want??? The only question I wasn't able to answer was "what do I want" because I honestly don't know. It's like I miss this man and I love him and I'm comfortable with him, but I'm not quite sure if I want to be with him EXCLUSIVELY. I wish there was a sign to let me know what I should do.

You Don't Believe In What???

Last night I'm chilling with Mr. P and we are talking and watching a movie. Something in the movie leads me to ask him about God and this guy informs me that he doesn't believe in Him!! I look at him and say you have to be kidding me and he's like no he doesn't believe in God and when I ask why, he responds that he doesn't believe in the supernatural. By this time my jaw has dropped and I am in utter shock. I still think he's joking with me because he has a smirk on his face so I'm like nah be forreal right now and he says he's dead serious. So I back away from him and I'm asking why not and did he always feel this way and he says no, he use to go to catholic school and he was raised in a baptist home but as he grew up, he stopped believing. So I call him an atheist and he just chuckles. I ask if he believes in Jesus and he says yea so I ask then why not his father and he says because no one has seen God.

Now this is a very serious issue to me because I was raised in a baptist home as well and I still am one. I have to admit that I haven't been to church in quite some time for different reasons but my belief hasn't changed. I honestly don't know if I can date someone who doesn't believe in God. I know for a fact that I will be going to church again and I will want a guy that I get serious with to go with me and to meet my mother and if Mr. P ends up being that guy it won't happen. I especially wouldn't let him meet my mom because she is very very religious and she would automatically dislike him.

Do you think I'm overreacting with this? Would you date someone who doesn't believe in God??

My V-day

I wouldn't categorize myself as one of those females who bashes valentines day because of the fact that I am lonely or anything but I generally don't really care for the holiday. It is true that I don't care for it because there's never someone in my life around the time of this holiday so I usually spend it with friends or alone or even at work. This year I figured I might celebrate it because I was talking to someone but that didn't quite happen.

E-man hit me up that morning and we spoke briefly via texts and he told me he was out shopping with his fam and that was the end of it. He didn't say "happy vday shay" or even mention anything about us going out that night. So of course I just left it alone. I had another alternative for that night with a friend of a friend whom I recently started talking to. The plan was to just chill with him and watch the allstar game and although I didn't mind, I really wanted to go out and do something so I kind of put that in the backburner.

So I ended up spending the day in bed reading my book and playing games on the computer. I said I was not going to hit up E-man to find out what was going on because him not hitting me up is a way of letting me know that we wasn't going to do anything. I finally got out of bed around 7pm and showered but then I was stumped. I didn't know if I should get dressed or just get back into bed so I did what I said I wasn't going to do and I texted E-man and asked if we was still gonna catch a movie or whatever and he took a while to respond and informed me that he needs a raincheck because he couldn't make it. I didn't respond to him because I was upset. I always had the view that if a guy is bailing on you on vday its because the "main chick" in his life has his time and I don't fall 2nd in line for a guy. So I called the other guy, we'll call him Mr. P and he asked me if I still wanted to come over and although it was a troop from my crib I agreed.

I am very happy I did go because I ended up having a nice time. We chilled and talked and laughed and watched the game. He made me a virgin pina colada and it was banging and then when the game was over we went out and got something to eat and talked some more and got a better understanding of each other. He was going to teach me how to play pool but it was almost 2am and I had work in the morning so I asked for a raincheck. I didn't really know how he viewed me so when he dropped me home I just gave him a hug and told him to call me when he got home. All in all I had a nice vday for the first time in my 23yrs of life lol. I speak to Mr. P everyday and I wonder where this is going to go but I don't get to excited for it because I don't want to get my hopes shot down so I'm just taking this one day at a time.