Brooklyn Getaway

I'm back in ATL after a nice getaway back home to Brooklyn. I must say it was exactly what I needed because I was beyond stressed in school with all the homework and group projects and presentations, which aren't even over yet. I was a little stressed at home though because I had things to do for school, and I was only able to complete one which I completely bullshitted (excuze my language).

Let's get a recap of what happened at home. I partied like 3 days, went out to eat, shopped, chilled with the fam, and umm met someone lol.

First off the sis Ash took me out to Squadz (if your from bk I'm sure you heard of the place) and I seen some old faces. Music was definitely popping and drinks were good, so I had a pretty good night. That was thurs night. Friday spent the day with the lil sis, and yes people she seems to be doing well to me despite that whole suicide letter. We went shopping and she tried on some prom dresses but in the end she didn't get any of em cuz mom dukes didnt like lol. Friday night I ended up back in Squadz for the homie Jenell bday and that was a GREAT night. It was like a hs reunion because everyone was there. Music was great, drinks were coming from left and right. I must say the highlight of the night to me was when this man who was by our table the whole night approached me when we were leaving and whispered in my ear "If I was 6ft tall I'd definitely take you home tonight". lol Sat chilled with the sis n moms and spent the day at the salon. Then that night went to Benihana (I so love that place).

Sunday pretty much was another highlight of my break. Met up with this guy, lets call him Brownsville. He came thru and scooped me up, but we didnt really do anything since I had plans for the night. He was already kind of on my bad side because the night before he kind of played himself. But we drove around and then he dropped me off at the bestest crib. We was talking in the car for quite sometime and he kept kissing my hand, which was cool. The only thing that's kind of umm different about him is all the tats. I mean this guy has tattoos everywhere on his body; neck, arms, hand, chest...you name it he has it. I mean I find tats very sexy but with all that he has how in the hell would I ever let him come chill with me at the crib when mom or dad come thru. They would be like what the hell (yall know how caribbean esp. haitian parents are).

Anyway after I left him went and partied with the HS crew again and it was so much fun. Took pics and was acting a damn fool imitating songs and sh**. Good times. That night I also realized I actually do like my homeboy. I always found him attractive but he was just the homie. But that night, idk, I kind of felt something for him, but of course the bestest told me not to even think about it because he's a jerk, which I already knew. I doubt I act on it tho because I know how he is with females, and I also know that I wouldn't want to ever ruin the friendship because we usually can talk about anything. Doesn't it suck when you develop feelings for a friend but know you could never act on it ughhh.

Missing Out

I was suppose to go home this past weekend for my aunt's surprise birthday party. I had it all planned out that I would fly home on thursday, get the hair, nails, eyebrows n feet done, and be ready to have some fun with the fam (something that hasn't been done in a very long time). I already had a dress and shoes for the event. I WAS READY!!! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to make it.

My genius of a boss decided to do schedules 3 wks in advance and I had to work this wknd, so I had to kiss my plans goodbye. At first I was mad because I really wanted to go home but then I'm like whatever I'll see everyone next time. I figured it would be the same family members that I see all the time, just with some real good food and some nice haitian music (something I haven't experienced in a while). Then we had the house party so I was all good and didn't really care I didn't go.

So yesterday I call my dad, aunt and sister to find out how the party went. Boy did they all make me jealous. Turns out all my family from my dad's side came out for this shindig. People traveled to NY from Florida, Boston, Canada, and whereever else just to come and surprise my aunt. (And my a** couldn't come from ATL ugh). I herd it was a really nice event and all my cousins were there having fun and yet again I was missing.

This is the bad part about going far away to school. I always seem to miss out on the events that are going on back at home either because I have to work or I don't have the money to buy a plane ticket. I must've missed out on like 5 fiestas because I wasn't in town and each time everyone is asking my dad and sister, Where's Shay? That's only family functions, let's not even get into how many parties I've missed out with friends. I have to find out what people had on, who was acting a fool, was there any drama, and everyother thing a nosy person like myself would like to know. I mean I haven't seen a majority of my family in eons and here comes a big event where everyone comes out and I'm missing. So nerve racking.

This is one of the reasons why I want to move back home after graduation. I'm tired of missing out on family and friend events all because I'm far away. I just hate missing out and not being apart of the memories and the pictures and stuff.

On a brighter note, I WILL BE COMING BACK HOME IN 2 DAYS!!!! lol

Self-Conscious Drunk

Any one that knows me knows that I am usually a shy individual who doesn't really speak much. Then once I get use to the people, I open up more and tend to act more like myself (sometimes). I am this way because I don't like to be judged, especially when I'm the one judging myself the most.

I don't really like to party because I don't want to dance half the time, unless there are some drinks in my system. When I was in HS I played the corner all the time, and don't let me find a seat lol. This is a bad thing, but its the truth. Usually when I go to a party and I don't drink, I don't have as much fun. Don't get me confused for an alcoholic though; I don't drink to get drunk. A majority of the time, the liquor doesn't have an effect on me but I act as though it does. I can count on one hand the amount of times I actually got drunk.

Last night, my housemates and I threw a house party and had a bowl of alcohol and punch. We had a mike for people to sing on and music was blasting and everyone was just having a good time. My housemates started to feel the effects within their first cup, but of course I didn't. I actually may have gotten a lil tipsy by like the 3rd or 4Th cup, but it wasn't nothing to me at all. But in all honesty I used the fact that I was drinking to my advantage and started acting carefree dancing with everyone and singing on the mike, things I would never do if I wasn't "intoxicated".

Today we are discussing last night's events and they were all like Shay you were drunk and of course I said no I wasn't. We go back and forth because they don't believe me just because of my actions from last night. I try to explain to them, yet again, that I have a high tolerance level but they swear they know me. They bring up the time we went to the club and I had 2 drinks and I was acting carefree. So then I end up telling them I use alcohol as an excuse as to why I act this way, but in actuality I know what I'm doing. I just don't care. So Shan says how bout you just loosen up.

To me that's easier said then done because as I mentioned before I care about how people judge me. I sometimes feel stupid doing things, but with drinks in my system I can blame it on the a-a-alcohol lol. I judge myself severely and therefore I think others do as well. The main reason is because I'm so tall and not the skinniest person in the world so I feel I need to pick my actions carefully. Unlike most people, I don't like to be the center of attention; I become extremely nervous.

I always wonder if I will change, but I really don't know. Most of my friends I'm use to being around all the time so I act carefree. But with my new roommates I'm meeting new people all the time so I go into shy mode. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing but I will try and see if I can work on it. But I wonder if others do the same thing as me and use alcohol as an excuse to really be themselves and strip away all the shyness.